Nathan Grey

So glad I'm not ever having kids

Tue, 16 Nov 2004 23:04:05 GMT

This is exhuasting. And the kid isn't even mine. I love Donna to death, but Robbie makes me very glad that I'll always be "Uncle Nathan", and never "Daddy."

I think I need a drink.

Private-- Donna only

Fri, 01 Oct 2004 00:30:12 GMT

I haven't called Will yet, for that coffee I mentioned last week. I'm not entirely sure I'm comfortable with the idea, even though it was my idea to be friends. I'm not afraid to admit I'm more than a little nervous about the whole thing. But at least I've got Donna.

Closing the door with one foot, Nathan hopped into his apartment, a few bags of groceries balanced in his grip. Putting everything down on the table, he reached for the phone, hitting the speed dial for Donna.

Hearing the phone ring, Donna reached over the stack of photos in front of her and answered it. "Hello?"

"Hey. I promised I'd call today, see?" Nathan started unpacking the bags, holding the phone with his shoulder.

"That's right, you did." She settled back in the office chair, mentally cursing its stiff back. "What's up?"

"I'm debating calling Will, like normal." His voice was light.

"Like normal." Donna sighed. "So, I take it dinner didn't go that badly?"

"Eh, I suppose not. We agreed to try to be friends. I'm supposed to call him for coffee, some time in the near future." Nathan balanced the fridge door, while he put the milk away.

"Coffee... coffee is good. Hopefully not too stressful." The baby kicked, and Donna rubbed her stomach in a soothing manner.

"Hopefully, and you know, public." Nathan sighed, "Am I being stupid?"

"I don't know. Do you want to be friends with him?"

"Yeah, I do. I think." Nathan shrugged with his free shoulder, abandoning his task to open the cookies he bought.

She sighed, "I don't know what to tell you, really. If you think you can be friends with him and that's what you want, then by all means go for it. Just... I know you don't want to get hurt in the process."

"I know, Donna." The chair scraped against the wood floor as he pulled it out. "I'm a big boy, though. I can stand a little heartache."

"I know. I'd just rather you didn't have to, you know?" Donna shook her head, "I hate seeing you hurt. But if it's what you want, then go for it."

"I don't want to get hurt, Donna. I'm still trying to figure out if there's anything worth saving."

"Only you will know if there is." She sighed again, "If you want my support, you know you've got it."

"I know Donna. That's why you're my best friend and all." There was a bit of a grin in his voice.

"Of course. That's what I'm here for." Groaning a little, she got out of her chair and made her way into the kitchen, looking for something to eat. "So, what else is new with you? How's the school?"

"Oh, it's fine. I gave the kids a paper today. They have to write about a song written about world history, during the World War two era."

"Couldn't give the kids an easy assignment, could you?" Donna frowned at the beer in her fridge, remembering how good it would taste, before pulling out the pitcher of lemonade. "I mean, have you even been studying music in World War II?"

"Well, it's not about the music, really. They're just writing about the lyrics of the song, and how those lines pertain to history. I did the same thing when I was their age."
rissaqjennings: "Maybe it's just my memories of school getting a little fuzzy."

"You are getting old," Nathan teased.

"Please, don't remind me." The baby kicked again, and Donna murmured to her stomach, "Please stop doing that."

"Hmm? What was that, Donna?"

"Nothing, I was talking to the baby. I swear, I cannot wait until he's born."

Nathan glanced at the calendar on the side of his fridge, "Well, you are due in a few weeks."

"Can't come soon enough," she grumbled. "Seriously, this pregnancy thing is highly overrated."

"Hey, you were the one that wanted to do it for a second time," Nathan chuckled, "Do you need anything? I could stop by?"

"Nah, I should be fine, could use the company though." Donna smiled. "And I fully plan on blaming Joe for bringing up the idea of having another kid."

"Of course," Nathan nodded, "Joe did it all by himself."

"Yes. Yes he did." She managed a small chuckle. "So, are you coming to see me, or do you have work to grade?"

Nathan looked at the small pile of papers sitting on top of his briefcase. "Ah, it can wait till the weekend. Want me to bring dinner?"

"Unless you want to help me cook, that sounds good to me." Donna opened the fridge, "Especially since it looks like I didn't take anything out for dinner anyway."

Chucking, Nathan wrapped up the cookies, and put them away. "Sure, I'll bring something. You feel like Spanish food, tonight?"

"I'm all for it. Screw what the baby wants."

"Oh god. Donna, what does the baby want?"

"Currently ice cream." She shrugged, "But I've had too much of that lately."

"I'll bring some of that too." Nathan shook his head, "I'll be there in 20."

"Works for me. See you in a few, Nathan."

"Later, Donna."

Filtered--Donna only

Tue, 14 Sep 2004 02:55:47 GMT

I just hung up the phone with Donna. I... I don't know what to think. There's this ridiculous hope for second chances, that, honestly, Donna just squashed. I don't blame her, though. I don't blame anybody but myself really. Whatever possessed me to pick up that phone and call him in the first place, I have no idea.

I don't even know what I wanted tomorrow night to be. I guess, even after all this time, I expected too much from him.

Having paid the babysitter, Donna threw down her bag on the couch and grabbed the cordless phone from its receiver. Muttering a brief word of thanks that the twins were napping, she found her hands were shaking as she tried to dial Nathan's number.

Hearing the phone ring, Nathan put his book down and reached across the bed and picked it up. "Hello?"

"I swear to God, Nathan, if my girls weren't sound asleep I'd be screaming." The words came out in a rush, and Donna collapsed onto the couch, her legs unwilling to support her.

"Donna?" Nathan sat up, hearing the anger in her voice. "What's wrong? Did something happen? What did Joe do?"

"Joe's not part of this. He's not even home." She tried to draw a deep breath and almost choked on the air. "Guess who I ran into going home today."

"Uh, who? And calm down, it's not good for the baby."

"I know it's not good for the baby but I can't calm down... I mean, I fucking slapped him, Nathan."

"Donna! Relax and tell me what happened. But first," Nathan ordered, "I want you to stop and take a deep breath."

"Tried that already. It's not working," she paused to breathe, her voice growing whiny. "Nathan, I ran into... I ran into... Will. I ran into Will."

"Okay... And you slapped him?" Nathan asked, growing worried, "I just talked to him today, what could he have done between our phone call and you talking to him?"

"Just a little piece of information I forced him to tell me and that he should have told you."

Nathan sighed, he knew something was going happen, "What now, Donna?"

Donna paused, her anger still present but tears coming to her eyes, "You're going to have dinner with him, right?"

"On Tuesday, yeah. What happened?" Nathan was beginning to sound frantic.

"Nathan... you called him? You set up a date with him?"

"Yes Donna! What's going on!"

She nearly sobbed in the phone. "Nathan... I'm so sorry... but Will, he's, he's... he's dating someone. Someone we know..."

"Wha-- what?" Nathan blinked rapidly, "Who?"

"Amy." Donna spat out the name. "Joe's Amy. My fucking stepdaughter, Nathan." She laughed cynically through her tears, "Now you know why I slapped him."

Nathan was quiet, sitting back on his bed. He stared up at the ceiling, holding the phone limp in his hands.

"Nathan?" Donna gulped the air, almost whimpering. "Nathan, are you there?"

"Yeah, Donna," he nearly whispered, "I'm still here."

"Nathan, I'm sorry." She started to cry, dropping her head into her hands. "I'm so sorry but I had to tell you and I had to yell at him because he doesn't understand what he's doing..."

"Donna, no, it's okay. It's not your fault." His voice was a little stronger now. "It's alright. I wasn't expecting anything anyway." That was a lie, but he figured if he said it often enough, maybe he could make it true.

"Bullshit, I know you better than that." Donna sobbed, "And yes, it is my fault. It's always been my fault and we all know it."

"Donna, Donna, no..." Pushing aside the hurt Will had caused, Nathan fell back to taking care of Donna. "It's never been your fault," he soothed.

"If I hadn't asked him about the Watchers he never would have left and now he's going to be pissed at me or you or both of us..."

"Donna... Will would have left anyway. That's how he is. There wasn't anything either of us could have done." He sighed and took a deep breath, "And if he's pissed, well, it's his fault anyway. He'll get over it."

She tried to wipe the tears from her eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Ye-" his voice caught in his throat, "Yeah Donna. I'll be fine."

"Liar."

Nathan sighed, again. "No, I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

"I always worry about you," Donna sniffled.

"I know." There was a hint of smile in Nathan's voice. "Really though, it's alright. It's just Will. Being Will... Nothing much changes."

Donna shook her head, "So the hell would you date him?"

Nathan closed his eyes, "God help me, Donna, I loved him. And I think I still do."

"And now you see why I'm worried." She started to cry again, "And now you're hurt because of me, because of what I told you. Maybe Will was right and I should have just stayed the fuck out of it."

"Donna, it's not your fault. I'd rather know, really."

"Yeah... but I could have handled it better. Remember when I told you once, back in the day, that I don't get angry often? Well, there's a reason for that, you know. I do stupid things when I'm angry."

"No, don't worry about it. I'm sure Will deserved the smack." Nathan sounded tired.

"...Probably." Donna heard shuffling upstairs, and she forced herself to stop crying. "Nathan, I've got to go, one of the girls is awake--are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

"I'm sorry. Again. And don't tell me not to be."

"Oh, Donna. I'd hug you, but you know, can't do that over the phone. It's all right, I promise. Go take care of the girls."

"Okay... I'll give them a hug for you."

"You do that. I'll talk to you later," Nathan said softly.

"You know I'm here for you. Always."

"I know, Donna. I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Try to have a good night. I don't blame you."

"You too. Let me know how it ends?"

"Of course. You don't even need to ask."

"Okay. Call me later."

"I will."

Private

Sat, 11 Sep 2004 02:11:56 GMT

How does he always manage to do this to me? Did he really need to talk to me?

Walking outside, Nathan was going over lesson plans with Marc, the other history teacher, for a joint assignment they were working on together. They headed for the teachers lot, where Nathan had parked his car next to the other man's.

Will sat on the hood of his car across the street, watching the lot. He had no idea why he expected Nathan to actually be out when the flood of children came out, but he had been waiting since. He wanted to see first if would be noticed and if whoever he came out with was going to leave seperately, not wanting to bother Nathan's coworkers with his rather sudden appearance.

Laughing at something Marc had said, Nathan said goodbye, tossing his briefcase into the backseat of his Nissian, sticking his head out for a moment to reply to a shouted question, before getting into the front seat.

Will took a deep breath. He obviously realized that this was the last thing he should have done as he hopped off his hood, walked across the street, and over to the lot after the car passed.

Blinking, Nathan caught site of Will heading towards him. He was glad Marc had already left, and Nathan got out of his car, waiting for Will. He couldn't fathom why Will was there, but he was curious enough to wait.

Will headed for Nathan's car and bent his head down, "Nathan.. hi."

Leaning back against his car, Nathan nodded at him. "Will," he said, in way of greeting.

"I... just wanted to talk," Will said. He had a whole speech and spiel planned out so he wouldn't have an opportunity to choke. It all seemed to have left him.

"Really?" Nathan ask, slightly annoyed at Will's sentence. He thought he had finally moved past this, but seeing Will there, in front of him, brought back so much of the anger back. Nathan had to fight it down.

"If you don't want to, it's fine. I'll leave. I just didn't want to say anything while Matt was there."

Nathan shrugged slighty, "No, you want to talk now, go ahead." He put an emphasis on the 'now'.

Will did his best not to roll his eyes, "Do you still think I left because I wanted to? You probably don't care anymore, but I'm curious."

"Will, if it didn't matter what I thought then, then it sure as hell doesn't matter what I think now." Nathan looked around the empty lot, "Look, if you want to talk, lets at least go to cafe or something. There's one across the street."

Will's face twisted as he turned to head towards the cafe, "No, I did care what you think which I why I thought I was better off telling you nothing at all."

Nathan was oddly surprised to see that it still hurt. "So are you ready to tell me now?" he asked, falling into step next to him.

"I was ready to tell you years ago, but you were gone and stalking you after that wasn't really an option," Will nodded.

"Wasn't like you couldn't find me, if you really wanted too," Nathan noted. "I've been in excatly two places since you left. Seacover and Paris."

"I didn't say I couldn't find you. It wouldn't have been right."

Nathan shrugged, opening the door for Will to enter.

Will stepped in ahead of him. "How would you have felt if I just blew in out of nowhere while you were with someone?"

"There's this thing called a phone, you know. And maybe it would have been better then spending nine years avoiding you name."

"Face to face or on the phone, it's the same thing. And I only spent a few years avoiding you. I just figured you've gotten over us by then and I didn't feel like dredging it up."

"And now?" Nathan asked, sitting at an empty table.

"I saw you on accident and figured now was as good a time as any," Will said as he sat down.

"Ah, alright." Nathan only sorta believed him, but let it slide. Instead, he ordered a hot tea, while Will ordered his coffee.

Will shrugged, "I was serious about what I said before... I didn't want you hurt."

"You know, that didn't really work." Nathan idly tugged on his napkin.

"I'm being literal here. I didn't want your legs broke and you dragged out to be shot," Will muttered dryly.

Nathan sighed, "So tell me why that would have happened to me. Tell me so I can understand."

"It wasn't anything you did. It was what I did and what I knew. Actually what I didn't. You still talk to Donna and Joe, right? I'm surprised they didn't tell you."

"Donna thinks it's her fault we broke up, you know."

Will just shrugged, "She never told you why she thought that?

"She did. Of course, it was all speculation on her part, and I never asked Joe about it." Their drinks came then, and Nathan busied himself with adding honey to the mug.

"She was... half right. But it was enough. I told you when you pulled my file that everything it it looks bad because what really went on isn't in there. This was just another one of those things." Will added sugar to his coffee, explaining things as if it hadn't happened to him at all.

Nathan stirred his tea, "So are you going to tell me what really happened then? Because I'd really like to know."

"A friend of mine, the one Donna looked up, asked me to meet him here and help him with some work. He happened to work for Internal Investigations but he disappeared before I even got here. Never heard anything back or was given any other contacts so I just assumed whatever he was doing fell through. When they picked me up that last time, he looked like hell and disappeared again after that whole thing. Bastard's probably dead. The organization was doing clean up back then. Not to get rid of renegades. Or hunters. But to find people who'd actually look up the higher powers and get somewhere. I looked them up so they were there to kill me. I didn't want them coming after you to get to me, because if Donna figured it out, it was only a matter of time before they knew where I was. So I had to go."

Nathan looked at him, hands wrapped around his mug, "Wait, what kind of work were you doing? I'm confused."

"Technically, I wasn't doing anything. Like I said, he disappeared. I guess he wanted me to help or look for someone or something."

"So why didn't you just tell me this in the first place?" Nathan asked.

"When? In the beginning? I thought it was one of those down-low sort of deals."

"No. When you walked out on me."

"I wanted to solve that whole execution thing that was hanging over my head first..." Will muttered.

Nathan sighed, and closed his eyes briefly. "You should have said something. Something more than just, 'I have to leave'."

"I had a little on my mind!"

"I'm not even going to comment to that."

Will shook his head to keep himself from making a scene. "Yeah, I screwed up. And I'm sorry."

"You know," Nathan said softly, sitting back in his chair, "I'm not even angry anymore. You were gone, and that was that. I honestly never expected to see you again."

"I wasn't planning to run into you," Will shrugged.

"But you're the one that came looking for me..."

"I wasn't going to if I didn't see you at Matt's. And I figured.. since I had..."

Nathan rubbed his temples, before leaning his elbows on the table. "I almost wish you hadn't bothered."

"I said if you didn't want to talk, I would have left," Will said softly. "If you want, I'll leave right now."

"I think I'd rather if you didn't. I probably wouldn't see you again for another nine years." Nathan's joke fell flat, even to his ears.

Will couldn't even crack a smile. "It took me years to really get over what happened. Not just leaving, but everything. Nothing I could have said would have changed anything. By the time I even knew what to say, it was too long after the fact."

"Look, Will." Nathan stopped, and shook his head, thinking. "I don't know what you want from me."

"I don't want anything. I wanted to tell you why. That's it."

"And you did that, right?" Nathan stirred his now cold tea, mostly just for something to do with his hands. He didn't look at Will.

Will sighed, "Yeah.. I guess I did." He stood up, "I won't bother you again."

Nathan watched him, "Will..."

"Yeah?" Will looked over.

He offered a small smile, "You weren't a bother."

Will smiled a bit. He felt in his coat and pulled out a business card. "My office number. I mean... if you want it."

"I... yeah, thanks." Nathan took the card, running his thumb over the raised text.

"I should go," Will muttered.

Nathan just nodded, having nothing to say to keep Will there, and not really sure if he wanted too.

Will walked out of the cafe, this time without saying goodbye or anything else at all.

With a sigh, Nathan finished his cold tea, waited to make sure Will would be gone, and headed back home.

But then, I didn't need to take his number.

Filtered-- Donna and Joe only

Thu, 09 Sep 2004 12:29:42 GMT

It's so odd seeing all these people trickle into Paris. I enjoyed the quiet of Donna, Joe, and I, with the occasionaly MacLeod thrown in. I mean, it's really great seeing Matt and Dana, even Amanda, but I suppose I'm going to miss the solitude of just the four of us. And the girls, too, of course.

Seeing the Immortals trickle in almost makes me miss being a Watcher. Almost. I really like teaching, and I love the school. But even I have to admit, it doesn't have the same adventuring edge that watching did.

And I saw Will last night, for the first time in nine years. Hasn't changed much, but I suppose I didn't really expect him too. He seemed alot more uncomfortable than me (probably because I was pretending he wasn't there), but is it childish for that to please me?

Nathan's life. At least, 9 years of it. (Private)

Fri, 20 Aug 2004 23:59:57 GMT

So Donna's finally managed to kick my ass and make me go back to school. It's better than wallowing, I suppose.

~*~

I don't think I've ever seen a more amazing wedding. Donna was a beautiful bride, and you could tell Joe was trying to not smile like a fool. Didn't really work. I'm so happy for them, really I am. And now I've got to watch the bar while they're on the honeymoon. Yay for me.

~*~

I'm a god father. I can't believe it. I had no idea... But when I went to see Donna, glowing in a hosiptal bed, she handed me little Melody and told me she was my Goddaughter. I cried. And I think I'm going to cry again. After I figure out the best way to spoil her.

~*~

Paris is nice, I suppose. I'm suddenly glad I took French in college... I only needed a quick refresher course to be able to communicate with society. And Joe used some of his contacts in the Watchers to secure me a teaching job at a private high school. For American students. I'm excited, I'll be teaching snobs. I met some of the teaching staff. The other history teacher seems like a nice guy. Mark Grimly, or something. I think I made a friend...

~*~

I went on a date. All thanks to Donna. And it was good. It really was.

Nervously, Nathan smoothed down his shirt, waiting at the bar for Mark. Nathan was early, and contemplated ordering a quick drink to calm down. He hadn't dated in a while yet, aside from a few casual one-night things. He admitted to himself that he was a little scared of it.
But Mark had been persistent, insisting on trying, even if it didn't work out and Nathan had finally broken down and agreed to go out for drinks.

Mark entered the bar, looking around and finding Nathan immediately. He grinned and walked over.

"Hi there. I didn't mean to make you wait."

"Don't worry about it," Nathan waved it away, matching his grin. "I was here early anyway." Nathan eased almost immediately, leaning back against the bar.

"You certainly didn't come straight from class," Nathan said, with a bit of flirtatiousness.

Ignoring the pun that seemed just too bloody obvious, Mark leaned back next to him and grinned. "No, I did go home, I admit it, I am horribly vain."

Nathan eyed the perfectly kept hair and the wrinkleless clothes and snickered, "You vain? I'd never have thought."

"I keep my office nice and cluttered on purpose to throw people off." Mark nodded, still grinning.

"Of course," Nathan nodded sagely, though his lips quirked up in a smile. "And all this time I thought you were just a pack rat."

“Yeah, that too." Mark sighed, turning to face Nathan. "So, since we are both here, I assume we are still having a drink, or two?" He smiled, looking hopeful.

"Yes." Nathan took a deep breath, hoping it wasn't to obvious he was still a little nervous. "Should I grab a table?"

"Sure, what are you having? I'll order." Mark nodded and turned to the bar to get the bartender's attention.

Nathan shrugged, "I'm not picky, surprise me." He grinned again, and then went in search of a empty table. He found one, in the back corner, and Nathan chuckled at the location. Perfect for two kids who wanted to make out.

Mark ordered and shortly joined Nathan at the table. "Cozy." He remarked.

"Yeah, I know," Nathan grinned, sipping at the whiskey sour Mark had ordered for them both. He raised an eyebrow at the couple at the table next to them. "Don't those two look like students of ours?"

Mark nodded. "That they do. Remind me not to let them do a paired project together, that never goes well."

Nathan laughed, "Good luck separating them, from the looks of it." Leaning back in his chair, Nathan glanced over at Mark with a warm smile. "Thanks for dragging me out."

"Oh, my pleasure, believe me." Mark smiled, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table. "I admit, I'd gotten to the point where I was getting fond of the rejection, as it was all I got."

Nathan looked shocked, "You? Really?"

"Well I haven't exactly been all that interested in many other people." Mark shrugged. "But my persistence finally paid off."

"Yeah," Nathan grinned, idly playing with his glass. "A friend smacked me and asked what was I doing? Not giving a nice guy like you a chance?" Chuckling, Nathan shook his head.

"I'll have to get the name of this friend of yours, send a thank you card." Mark nodded.

"Hey, I'll give you her address and phone number even." Nathan leaned back in his chair, and smiled brightly.

"Good friend?"

"Yeah. Donna's been there for a lot. I used to work with her husband."

"Not around here... I thought you'd only just moved to Paris when you were hired." Mark shifted a little closer to hear Nathan better over the noise of the bar.

"Yeah," Nathan agreed, pulling his own chair over. He leaned on one elbow, towards Mark, "It was back in the states. Joe, her husband, owned a bar over there too, and I worked for him. She's the one that made me go back to teaching."

"Better and better. I definitely have to meet this woman." Mark laughed. "I owe her a debt of gratitude, or I'd never have met you."

Nathan blushed slightly, and hoped the darkness of the bar was enough to hide it. "Well, you've got something else to thank her for. I only moved way over here to stay with her and the family." Smiling just a little bit, "I might still be in the States, and not on this date with you."

"It seems that I am a lucky man then." Mark smiled and moved even closer.

"Maybe," Nathan replied, with a raised eyebrow. His drink was finished.

"Sorry, I mean the date." Mark said, blushing.

"Mmhmm," Nathan grinned, looking up at him through his long hair.

"Really!" Mark insisted.

Nathan laughed, "I believe you, really I do!"

"Good." Mark sighed, smiling.

Grinning, Nathan seemed to make a decision inside his head, and leaned forward, crossing the few inches of space between them, to kiss Mark.

Mark blinked, surprised, before leaning into the kiss. When both men broke away he took a deep breath. "Lucky, right."

"Well," Nathan said softly, just loud enough to hear over the music, "I've been told I'm good at that."

"Oh yes." Mark nodded. "Quite." He glanced around and noticed the students they'd seen earlier look away quickly. "Wonderful, we're gossip now."

"Great," Nathan groaned. "And here we were, worrying about them."

"Maybe since we've finished our drinks, we should go somewhere that isn't frequented by students?" Mark suggested.

"Well, I've already finished mine. I think you've got some catching up to do." Nathan nodded, "And then you can drag me someplace else."

Mark finished his drink in one swallow and stood. "Do I have to drag you?"

Nathan's smile was warm, and he stood next to the other man, "No, I don't think so..."

"Lucky. I am very lucky." Mark murmured, grinning.

"Keep saying that, it's good for my ego."

~*~

I don't think I've ever had a mutal breaking off like the one Mark and I just had. We're still friends. I suppose that all we ever really were, but talking today, across my kitchen table, wasn't awkward at all. I'm pleased. Mark was--is a really great guy. We just make better friends than lovers. And we're having dinner tomorrow night. After we move whatever stuff he has lying around here back to his place. You know, I'm rather pleased with my life right now.

Private-- Walking away shouldn't be this easy for him

Wed, 11 Aug 2004 10:38:52 GMT

I don't get it. I just don't. We were trying so fucking hard to make it work, and I thought we were doing okay. I really did.

I quit the fucking Watchers, so I wouldn't have to leave him.

But he's packing. Packing his fucking things, instead of sitting down and dealing with it like the man he pretends to be. I want to be surprised. I want to not have been expecting this whole fucking thing since he got back. But I didn't, and it fucking hurts. Go ahead, feed me some bullshit line about how your trying to protect me. Fuck you. You're scared and won't deal with it.

It's just. I really loved him. And I swear to god, I thought he loved me too.

Using the spare key, Nathan unlocked the door, pushing it open with one shoulder. The first thing he noticed was lack of papers. "Will?" he called, making his way to the bedroom, looking for him.

Will was sitting on the edge of his bed, chin resting in his hand as his elbow was propped up on his thigh. He barely looked up when he heard Nathan call. He had made short work of his desk and papers, as they were always the fastest to clean out. He had a box of books at his feet and he had stopped his packing to look over the leather-bound copy Nathan had given him before, "I'm in here!" He tossed the book on top of the others in the box.

"Will? What are you doing?" Nathan frowned at him, his brow furrowed as he looked around the room. At the boxes.

"Cleaning out my stuff," he mumbled as he pushed the box aside with his foot.

"Planning a trip, " Nathan joked weakly, crossing his arms and leaning on the door jam.

"That makes two of us," Will answered, dropping his voice trying not to sound as serious as he was.

"Running, then?" The attempted humor was gone from Nathan's voice. He sounded cold.

Will glared but looked away quickly, "Yeah... Yeah that's exactly what I was thinking of doing."

Nathan nodded, carefully keeping his face expressionless. "I don't suppose you're going to tell me why?"

"Because I have to."

"No you don't."

"Yes, I do!" Will snapped. "I can't be here anymore."

"So you're just going to leave? Where you even planning on telling me, or where you just going to wait until I was running errands and disappear then?" Nathan pushed off the wall, taking the few angry steps to the bed.

"Of course I was going to tell you!" Will pled, "I mean... I wouldn't just disappear. I wanted to tell you goodbye."

Nathan was silent, just looking at him. "I quit the Watchers for you," he said finally. "I thought we were together."

Will just stared at him, "You... what?! You said you loved this job!"

"Not as much as I loved you. I told you I didn't want to leave you." There was a sharp release of breath, and Nathan turned to look out the window, "I thought it was a mutual feeling."

"I.. I love you too Nathan but I never said I had any intention on quitting," Will stammered. "I just have to hide out for a while, maybe a few months. Maybe longer. But.. I wasn't going to quit."

"I never asked you to quit, Will. Wasn't expecting it, either." Nathan turned back around, "You're going to hide out? For a little while? From what?"

Will quieted down for a moment, backtracking quickly, "Nathan, I didn't want you to quit."

"I don't want to travel across Europe. But that's not what we're talking about."

"You could have taken another assignment," Will mumbled.

Nathan shook his head, "And you could stop changing the subject."

"I just have to. Run. Hide."

"Right, you have to run and hide." The look in Nathan's eyes was very close to a glare, "You do that. I'll just get my things then." Nathan moved away, looking for his duffle bag.

Will stayed where he was, staring at the floor. "Do you want to know when I leave?" he asked quietly, really doubting he'd want to know at this point.

"Does it even matter what I want?" Nathan was angrily stuffing a shirt into his bag.

"It's not like I wanted to end it this way!"

Nathan glared, "You don't get to be angry. You're the one walking away. How did you expect it to end? Did you expect me to sit here and wait until you felt like coming back? Was I supposed to wait for you like a good little boy?"

"Doesn't this sound fucking familiar," Will grumbled to himself. "That's not what I meant. I didn't expect you to wait but you have to understand. I didn't want this. I don't want to leave but I have to."

"What for! You won't even tell me why!"

"Because it's safer this way, that's why. It wouldn't be a bad idea for you to get the hell out of here too."

"I don't buy that, Will," Nathan said, shaking his head. "There are half a dozen other ways for you to deal with whatever's wrong. If you really wanted to, you wouldn't have to leave me."

"It's not that easy. This is the only real choice I have." Will shook his head.

"No, Will," Nathan said, sadly, "It's not." He paused, looking over at him, "You told me you loved me. Did you mean any of it?"

Will raised his eyes, "Nathan. I love you. That's why I have to leave."

“You love me, and that's why you have to leave me?" Nathan shook his head. "You know what I think, Will? I think you're scared, and instead of dealing with it, you're running."

"Scared of what?"

"I don't know. You won't tell me."

"I could be doing this because I don't want you to get hurt."

"Yeah? Well it's not working."

"You don't have to believe me," Will shrugged, "But that's why I'm doing it."

Nathan zipped up the bag, turning his head to catch Will's eyes with his own. "You know, the sad thing is, I do believe you."

"I wouldn't leave you if I thought there was any other way," Will tried to explain one more time.

"There's always another way." Nathan had a small, sad smile across his lips, "What did you expect to happen, leaving like this?"

Will spoke softly, "Sometimes the alternative is worse. I don't know what I expected."

The smile turned bitter, and Nathan's eyes closed. He slung the bag over a shoulder, blinking away the brightness in his eyes. "This wouldn't be so bad, I think, if I knew why. Feel free to find me, when you want to explain. I won't be hiding."

"Nathan.. I'm sorry."

"Me too, Will. Me too."

Will looked down again deciding to remain quiet after finding himself at a loss for words.

Waiting a moment longer, Nathan sighed heavily, and turned on his heel to leave.

"Goodbye, Nathan."

Stopping at the open door, Nathan turned his head slightly, not quite far enough to look back at Will, but didn't say a word. Then he left.

Surprisingly uncomfortable.

Fri, 23 Jul 2004 04:15:43 GMT

Despite being busy these past few days, I can't help but feel useless. I couldn't do anything when Will was missing, and now... I need to know that there's something I can do, some way for me to help. But again, there's nothing for me to do, except, maybe, drive Will crazy.

Will had been up for a little while from his morning nap enough to catch the nurse bringing him food. He smiled and made conversation until she had to return to her duties. Even tried to get her to sneak in a cup of coffee, failing miserably.

Nathan had gone back to the apartment, packing a bag of a few things he thought Will would need. He had managed to get a few hours of sleep the night before, stretched out on a bumpy couch too small for him. Nathan hadn't left until Will had gone back to sleep, the drugs still wearing off. Walking down the hall, Nathan was once again reminded how much he hated being inside a hospital.

Will was sitting in bed, eating the hospital food which most other patients found intolerable actually quite quickly. He looked better, with color to his skin and all those intrusive pipes and tubes out of his body. Now, short of the bruising and black eye, it looked like he had simply gone there with a broken foot.

"You're awake," Nathan said, sounding pleased. He was leaning against the doorway, a small duffle bag in one hand. He was glad Will looked nearly human. All the needles and tubes and drips poking at Will's body had made Nathan intensely uncomfortable.

"Been awake," Will said, mouth half full. He washed down the sandwich with a glass of water. "How're you?"

"I'm fine." Nathan entered the room, taking the spot next to the bed he had claimed as his. "You? You look a lot better today." He patted the bad next to him, "I brought you a change of clothes, and a book."

"Oh good. Because I'm getting a draft like you wouldn't believe," Will grinned.

"I'm sure," Nathan said with a smile. "Well, you have sweat pants now. And I even think they're yours."

"I sure as hell hope so," Will nodded.

Nathan chuckled, "They letting you out soon?"

"Tomorrow. I promised I'd be good."

"Good," Nathan said, in relief. "You're staying with me again?" he asked, slightly unsure of the answer.

"Actually... I'm going to go home after they let me go."

"Home being..?"

"My apartment."

"Ah, alright." Nathan tried not to sound hurt. "Are you sure you'll be okay alone?"

"I thought..." Will shrugged, "Yeah. I'll be alright."

Nathan frowned, "Thought what?"

"That you'd at least spend the night. But whatever, it's cool."

"Oh." Nathan reached for Will's hand, "You made it sound like you wanted to be alone."

"No I just.. figured I stayed away from my apartment long enough. Besides, I figure Amanda's got to have lost interest in me by now."

"You know, Matt and I think that Amanda may have had something to do with finding you."

"Remind me to make a thank you card. I already gotta choke it down and say thanks to Pierson," Will sighed, mumbling his usual derogative after Pierson's name.

Nathan shook his head, "Somehow, I doubt he's sitting around waiting for it. Amanda either."

"Eh, I'll get around to it."

"I'm sure." Nathan smirked slightly, "Now I know your feeling better. You have to be, to be talking about Adam like that."

"Oh trust me, it'll take more than a broken foot to stop me," Will laughed.

"I'm glad. How long did they say it would take to heal?"

"Six weeks. The foot has a lot of little bones."

Nathan nodded, "I suppose that isn't too bad, right?"

"I'll live," Will nodded.

"I know," he replied softly.

Will blinked, "What's the matter, Nathan?"

"Nothing," Nathan answered, with a shake of his head.

"You look uncomfortable."

"I'm fine. Just a little anxious to get you out of here." He shrugged awkwardly, "I don't like hospitals."

"Really? I like it here. I'm thinking of breaking my other foot," Will smirked.

"Isn't there a rule somewhere against tormenting me?" Nathan muttered.

"Yeah but it went out the window when we started dating."

"Great. I should go find some coffee and drink it in front of you."

"Alright, I'm kidding." Will tightened his hand around Nathan's, "You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. Like I said, hospital's make me nervous." He smiled a little, "I'll be fine tomorrow, promise."

"You get any sleep?" Will asked a bit concerned.

"Yeah, I did." Nathan neglected to mention it had only been a few hours at most. Will didn't need to know that.

Will sighed, leaning into the pillows, "Man, worrying you is really going to drag my stay here." He grinned.

"Yeah, yeah. You do it on purpose."

"I know." Will smiled. "So how long are you here for today?

"Until somebody kicks me out," he stated, matter of factly.

"Should I call security?"

"Very funny, Will. Really." Nathan made a face at him.

"I'm just messing with you."

"I know. Or I wouldn't still be sitting here."

"I'm glad you are."

"I wouldn't leave you," Nathan said, running his thumb over the familiar skin of Will's hand.

"I know.. I know. Anything interesting happen while I was out?"

"Lets see," Nathan thought aloud, "Mike finally left town. Wasn't to happy about me telling him off. Oh, and Donna's ex came to harass her. I think I broke his nose."

"And I missed it," Will mumbled.

"I'm sure Donna will gleefully tell the story," Nathan commented, dryly. "It wasn't a pretty fight."

"Why, did you fall over?"

"I did not!"

Will grinned widely.

"I think I did fairly well for myself," he sulked.

"Sorry, sorry! Okay tell me how it went."

"Well, I had crashed at Donna's for the night, and Jeremy thought it'd be nice to wake us all up around 8. Donna let him in, insults went flying, then I punched him. When Joe came out, Jeremy made some smart ass comment about him, and tripped him. I punched the jackass again, then Donna and I threw him out." Nathan grinned, "And that was the fight, in 30 seconds or less."

"Did you break anything?" Will asked seriously.

"Of mine, or his?"

"His obviously. You know, I can still see you. I know you didn't break anything!"

"I hope I broke his nose. And maybe a rib or two. But we didn't keep him around long enough to find out."

"You did bring him to a hospital right?"

"No. I shoved him out the door before Donna shot him."

Will clicked his tongue, shaking his head, "Nathan... If you're going to beat the hell out of someone, you have to take them to the hospital."

"But Will," Nathan whined, "he was more than capable of walking."

"I can walk on one leg too," Will glared.

"You couldn't when I found you," he pointed out.

"I was handcuffed to the floor when you found me!"

"And feverish, and malnourished, and delusional. Jeremy was none of the those things. He was barely even bleeding."

"You want to know why broken ribs are bad Nathan? If you aggravate them enough, they could puncture a lung. Barely bleeding," Will huffed.

"I don't know if I broke them!"

"You just told me you thought you did."

"I said I hoped I did."

"So much better," Will mumbled.

"Will?" Nathan asked, with a sigh, "I don't want to fight over this..."

"Sorry.."

Nathan squeezed his hand, "No, don't apologize..."

"I'm still a little frustrated being here."

"One more day," Nathan said softly.

"It's not that. Just everything else. I told you, I don't mind the hospital."

"You want to talk about it?"

"Not really?"

"Alright." Nathan smiled reassuringly.

Will sighed heavily then looked serious, "What happened to the guys who were guarding me? They dead?"

"I don't think so. At least, they weren't when we left. Though I have to admit to being a little preoccupied."

"Juust perfect," Will mumbled.

"Why?" Nathan asked, curious.

"...if a bunch of guys were kicking the crap out of you, and someone pulled you out, wouldn't you want to be sure that they weren't coming back?"

"Oh. I don't think I... I mean, I couldn't kill someone. And I think Adam was more worried about getting in and getting out before anybody else showed up.

Will nodded, "I mean I'm glad but... yeah."

"I'm sorry," Nathan said, squeezing his hand again.

"It's fine. Just chalk it up, right?" Will smiled weakly.

"Right," he replied softly.

Will took a deep breath, "I have.. really rotten luck."

Nathan looked away, trying to figure out what to say. "It seems like it now," he finally settled with.

Will chuckled, "That didn't make sense at all."

"Well, I meant that, you know, your luck seems bad now..." Nathan made a face, annoyed at his sputtering.

"Damn right it does." Will sighed, "You alright today, Nathan?"

Smiling, Nathan nodded, "I'm fine. Will you stop worrying about me? You're the one that needs to heal."

"Yeah but you're the one stuttering. I told you I'm always going to worry about you anyway."

Nathan smiled, coming over to stand next to the bed. Leaning down, he lightly brushed his lips over Will's, "I love you," he said softly.

Will smiled, leaning up as much as he could to kiss him back, "I love you too, Nathan."

"Do me a favor, Will? Don't make me worry about you again?"

"No, you'll whine if I screw up."

"I'll whine anyway."

"Then why am I gonna give you a reason?"

"So you can't yell at me when I do?"

Will huffed, "I don't yell at you that much."

"Lately," Nathan agreed.

"Well, I've been gone lately."

Nathan raised an eyebrow. "See?"

Will shrugged then looked at him, "Am I that bad?"

"Only sometimes," he said, "But I usually deserve it."

Will seemed serious, and pretended to feel tired, "I don't mean to."

"I know." Nathan reached up, brushing aside hair that needed to be washed. "You look tired... maybe you should rest?"

"Yeah. I'll be out tomorrow. Can you give me a ride?"

"You don't even need to ask, you know. I suppose I should gather your things from my place?"

"It's alright. I might as well keep them there for when I crash there, right? I have more than one pair of pajamas."

"Alright," Nathan grinned, "I'll just get your files and such then."

Will grinned, "You read my mind."

"After all this time? I should at least be decent at doing that."

"That's what I always wanted... a psychic," Will smirked to himself.

"And look!" Nathan grinned, "You've got your very own!"

"It's my luck," Will chuckled.

"See? It's not always bad," he nodded.

"Says you," Will grinned a bit.

"Hey," Nathan mock growled, "No complaining outta you."

"Yeah, yeah, I heard you."

Nathan leaned down to kiss him again, "I'll let you sleep. I'll come back in a couple of hours, alright?"

Will nodded slowly. "Alright. You really don't have to hang around."

"I know I don't. I want to."

"You don't like hospitals."

"No," Nathan agreed, "But I'm not leaving you."

"I'm not convincing you otherwise, am I?"

Nathan smiled, "No, you're not."

"Then you might as well stay, I'm not tired." Will grinned again.

"Why do you do that to me?" Nathan asked, slightly annoyed.

"Because you're hovering. And you're worrying yourself like crazy. I figured if I could get you to go home and stay there, you'd rest a little more because I really don't think you got as much sleep as I did the past couple of days and stop freaking out."

Nathan sighed, finding the chair behind him and sitting back down. "Will, I'm not going to be able to sleep properly until you're home. I couldn't sleep while you were missing, and I can't sleep now. And I don't mean to hover. Or freak out."

"I can get them to give you drugs," Will said dryly.

"No you can't." Nathan ran a hand over his face, "Look, I can't help worrying about you. It's what I do."

"Sure I can. I'm a doctor remember? If you sneak me one of their prescription pads..." Will turned his cheek into Nathan's hand. "You worry. I worry. Drink more coffee and get an ulcer and we'll be exactly alike."

"I think I'll skip the ulcer part," Nathan replied, with a small smile. "And I'm not giving you one of those pads. Don't even think about it, buddy."

"It's alright. I got some at home," Will grinned.

"And just how do you expect to get me to take them?"

"I can put it in your food when I cook," Will nodded.

Nathan was quiet for a moment. "You're not allowed to cook anymore."

"I still cook better than you do."

"Not if you're putting drugs in my food."

"It gives it a good flavor?"

"And that's why you're not cooking."

"I guess I can eat breakfast for every meal every day from now on..."

"Very funny," Nathan growled. "My cooking is perfectly decent, thank you."

Will smiled at him, "I know."

Nathan groaned in annoyance. "You drive me crazy. Just for that, you're getting take out until your foot's healed."

"Can't I just have hospital food," Will whined.

"No," Nathan smirked."

"See, now that's uncalled for," Will smiled softly.

"Absolutely not. You deserved that, after almost making me leave." Nathan smiled back.

"Can't blame me for trying."

"Right," he snorted softly.

"Nathan?"

"Yes, Will?"

"Go home."

"I'm coming back in a little bit," he warned.

"Yeah I can't really stop you, can I?"

Nathan frowned, "If you really don't want me to..."

"I want you to get some rest," Will reiterated. "I'm not getting any better worrying about you all the time."

"Will, there's really no reason to worry about me. And I won't be able to get much sleep without having you home anyway." Nathan sighed.

Will took a deep breath, "Then hurry up. The sooner you come back, the sooner we both can rest a little and get out of here."

"Alright," Nathan agreed, standing to kiss Will before he left. "I'll be back in a few hours."

"I'll try not to take a walk," Will smirked.

"Ha ha."

* * *

Nathan had finished gathering the things he thought Will would need. All his work files where in a folder, along with his laptop and a few books. Nathan had left some of the clothes, pajamas and two pairs of pants, along with some shirts. Sighing, Nathan flopped down on at the couch, reaching for the phone, and dialing Donna's number.

"Matthews." Donna answered the phone after the second ring, her voice sounding bright and cheery. Despite the fact that she was once again packing up her apartment, she was in a good mood.

"Hey Donna," Nathan said, instantly feeling a little better. Donna sounded happy, he noted.

"Hey, Nathan! How are you?" Donna sat down on her bed, ready to talk.

"Alright," he replied, pulling his feet up. "I was gathering the rest of Will's things. He gets out today."

"That's good. So I take it he's feeling better?"

"Seems like it. I think I've managed to annoy him, though

"Annoy him? How? By caring about what happens to him?" Donna shrugged. "Some things never change, I guess."

'Don't say that, Donna. Will's been through a lot. He needs to adjust." Nathan sighed quietly.

She paused for a second. "You know I didn't mean anything bad by it."

"I know," he said softly. "He's mad because I can't sleep."

"While I agree that you should get some sleep... I'd do the same thing if something happened to Joe." Donna shook her head, knowing Nathan couldn't see her. "I don't see how that's a reason for Will to get mad."

"He insists that he's too worried about me, to worry about himself." Nathan's hands were playing with a pillow, "I can't help it, Donna. Even though I know he's okay, I worry."

"You worry because you love him. It's all part of the deal."

"I'm smothering him."

Donna fell silent for a second. Jeremy used to say that she was smothering, too. "I don't think you're smothering him," she said quietly

"He does." Nathan sounded, and felt, miserable.

Her heart went out to him. "I'd give you a hug, if I were there."

"I know, Donna." He sighed quietly, "I guess I just need to give him space. He's going back to his apartment, after this."

"Will doesn't need that much space. He's going overboard." Donna sighed, "but you know him better than I do."

"At least, I think I do."

"I know you do." She tilted her head to the side as she moved a cardboard box on the bed. "You want me to talk to him? I've got to see him anyway...”

Nathan shrugged, then remembered Donna couldn't see it, "If you'd like. I don't want to cause any more problems."

"You're not a problem, Nathan."

"Says you, Donna." Nathan snorted softly, "Sometimes I think Will's got a different opinion of that."

Donna bit back her first question, concerning why Nathan was dating Will in the first place. Instead she said, "Well, then someone, preferably you, should tell him how you feel."

He sighed again, "You're right Donna. I know that."

"Nathan... you okay?"

"I'm trying to be, Donna. I feel... helpless. And he's not letting me help now, when I can do something.”

"Then Will needs to get over his stubborn pride. You're not helpless. Trust me." Donna's voice was soothing; she hated to hear Nathan upset.

"Donna, he went missing, and I couldn't do anything to help. We find him, and what? I got to carry him. He's got a broken foot, and lying in the hospital, and he won't let me even worry about him. I feel pretty damn helpless." The self-pity was gone from Nathan's voice, instead replaced with something close to anger.

"Calm down, Nathan." Donna hissed between her teeth, her good mood quickly fading. "Nathan, Will needs you. And if he won't admit that, then he's pretty fucking stupid, and he probably doesn't deserve you."

"Maybe," Nathan commented softly.

Donna sighed into the phone. "Look, I'm not here to fight with you and I'm not here to tell you what to do."

"I know, Donna. I know that. I wouldn't have called you, otherwise."

"That's always comforting." She sighed again, collapsing back on to the bed.

"Seriously," Nathan said, in a more normal voice, "I feel like I'm losing it. Maybe it'll be good, if Will and I aren't constantly around each other."

"Well, if a break's what you think you need..."

"I guess." Nathan sighed again, glancing at the clock, "I better go, Donna. I told him I'd bring him back home."

"All right. If you need me, I'll be here, packing up my shit."

"Thanks, Donna. I'll talk to you later."

* * *

Will had dozed off in that past hour, fatigued from nothing but boredom. The book lay on his stomach read only through the first few chapters.

Nathan entered the room, looking down at Will's sleeping form. He was loath to wake him, but it was time to leave. "Will," he said softly, a hand on his shoulder.

Will startled at the touch and woke up instantly, "W-what?! ... Oh. Uh, hi Nathan." He rubbed his eyes and brushed the book aside. "What time is it?"

"Time to go home," he answered, with a small smile.

"Yeah.. Yeah right." Will straightened up. "Can you swing them to get a wheelchair while I change?"

"Yeah, I think so, give me a minute." Nathan disappeared from the room.

Will sighed and pulled off the covers. He moved off of his bed, moving to change into the sweats.

When Nathan came back, a wheelchair with him, Will was already changed. "You ready to go?"

"Ain't a Mustang but it'll have to do," Will sighed and hobbled to the chair.

Helping him, Nathan settled him in, and threw the duffle bag over his shoulder. "Hey, it'll get you home, well, at least to me car," Nathan smiled down at him.

"Okay I gotta get some crutches too." Will noted once he was settled.

"In the car already," he said, starting to wheel Will out of the room.

"Gee someone's in a hurry," Will said blandly.

"I told you I don't like hospitals."

"You weren't the one in the hospital!"

"I thought you said you liked it here?"

"Yeah but it gets boring when you have nothing to do."

: Nathan grinned, "Then why are you complaining?"

"Boredom?"

"I just think you're trying to drive me crazy." Nathan brought him out front, "You have to sign something, don't you?"

"Oh good, you remembered. I thought you were just going to start running." Will called for a nurse to get his discharge papers and started to fill them out.

"It was an appealing thought, trust me."

"You've been drinking my coffee again," Will looked over as he signed off his name and returned the clipboard to the nurse.

"Drinking your coffee makes people crazy?" Nathan asked. "Are we done now?"

"Only if you're not used to it. Yes, we're done. You can be crazy outside."

"I'm not crazy!" Nathan said, even while wheeling him towards the exit.

"Just keep telling yourself that."

"You're the one still with me," Nathan grumbled, coming up to his car. He had left it right up front, and was glad for that now.

"I never said you weren't crazy." Will got out of the chair carefully and limped to Nathan's passenger side door.

"Hey, let me help." Nathan was at his side, opening the car door so Will could slide inside.

"...Nathan. I can get in a car." Will sighed and slipped in.

"Will! You have broken foot. I promise I'll leave you alone once we get to the apartment."

"Trust me, I know that!"

"So let me smother you, like you know I'm going to do anyway." Nathan closed the door, bringing the wheel chair back to a rack made from them. Coming back around, he got into the car, and started it up.

"Please tell me you're going to use a pillow when you do that..."

"Down pillow, even," Nathan said with a smile, glancing at him quickly, before keeping his attention on the road.

"It's just a broken foot, I'll be fine."

"I don't doubt that, Will."

"You don't have to smother me."

Nathan sighed. "I'm sorry."

Will let it slide, "Nathan, you don't do this very much, do you?"

"No?"

"Ah.."

"Sorry," he said again, more quietly this time.

"It's.. It's fine, Nathan."

Nathan was quiet for the rest of the drive. Pulling up in front of his apartment, he parked wordlessly, and got out, going to the trunk to pull out the crutches.

Will got out of the car slowly making sure not to put any weight on his leg.

"Here," Nathan said, coming over with the crutches. "These'll help."

Will nodded and balanced himself on them, "Thanks."

"Does the elevator work in this building, or are we climbing the stairs," Nathan asked, going to open the door for Will.

"It works. It just looks and acts like a deathtrap. Hasn't actually killed anyone yet."

"You want to risk it?"

"Why not," Will smirked.

"Alright then, let's go." Nathan smiled slightly, "Lead the way."

Will headed to the elevator and waited for the door to close, "I mean the best thing you want on your epitaph is 'Death by Elevator.'"

Standing next to him, Nathan shifted the duffle bag slightly. "Maybe that's what you want yours to say. I think I'd settle with "Died in his Sleep."

"I'll remember that the next time I feel like smothering you," Will grinned and stepped off at his floor.

"Funny, Will. Want me to open the door?"

"I just need the keys, I can do it myself."

Nodding Nathan dug into the duffle bag, pulling out the key ring. He handed it over to Will.

Will managed to balance the crutches easily enough as he popped open the door.

Reaching out with one hand, Nathan held open the door, waiting for Will to pass through. He followed, closing and locking the door behind him.

"Nathan. I can hold the door open. My foot's screwed up. I didn't have a stroke," Will grumbled.

"I was just... sorry." Nathan stood in the middle of the room, unsure where to go or what to do.

"...Nathan. Sit down." Will went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. "The cast is going to come off in six weeks, sooner than that if I can manage it."

Nathan pulled a chair out, sitting down. "You mentioned that."

Will just looked at him, "You look nervous."

"I look uncomfortable," Nathan retorted, "because that's how I feel."

Will sighed heavily, "Mind sharing?"

"I keep trying to help, but I'm just annoying you. And I don't mean to." Nathan was looking down at his hands, and away from Will.

"I don't need help. So what. My foot's screwed up." Will shrugged as he leaned up against the counter.

"And that's my point." Sighing, Nathan shrugged, "it doesn't matter."

"What doesn't," Will muttered softly.

"Nothing," Nathan shook his head. "I'll get over it."

"Get over what?" Will frowned.

"My issues with attempting to help."

"Nathan, come here." Will looked in his fridge and recoiled seeing nearly everything had gone bad.

Standing, Nathan walked over, "Yeah?"

Will pulled him over and kissed him. "I don't need to be babysat," he mumbled.

"I know," he answered, softly.

"Stop looking like I'm about to drop dead."

"I'm not!"

"Yeah you are!"

"No, I'm not!"

Will mumbled and headed to the couch. "Whatever. I'm out of food, so I have to suffer takeout for the night."

Nathan sighed, thinking for a moment. He brought the phone over, setting it on the couch between them.

"Do you want anything?" Will looked over.

"Sure," Nathan agreed, "I don't care, though."

Will dialed up and ordered two plates, one of lasagna and another of ziti. "You're staying the night, right?"

"As long as you want me to," he nodded.

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't... you know. Twice."

Nathan smiled weakly, "I guess I'm being the paranoid one this time, hmm?"

Will smirked, "It's okay, I forgive you."

"Glad to hear it," Nathan's smile was a little stronger now.

"Now you're not going to cut my food for me right? I can handle that on my own." Will joked.

"Are you sure? I mean, I can cut it up into little squares for you. And there has to be a sippy cup around here somewhere...” Nathan pretended to look around.

"You know, I can still hit you."

"That's a yes, then?" Nathan grinned, reaching to grab Will's wrists before he could carry out his threat.

Private

Wed, 21 Jul 2004 00:47:00 GMT

I really hate hospitals. I hate being in them, I hate having someone I love there, and I hate having to deal with them while Will's still healing. They make my skin itch. At least Will's looking much better, and will be out of there soon.

Nathan had always hated hospitals, hated sitting and waiting in rooms that were too white and smelled like antiseptic. Leaning forward in the chair he had dragged over to Will's bed, he watched the other man sleep, listening to the steady, almost reassuring, beep of the heart monitor. Will's foot had been bandaged up, the cast fresh, and an IV pumped needed nutrients into his body, but he was whole, and would get better, and for that, Nathan was thankful.

Will woke up slowly, this time to full consciousness. Whenever he had woken before, it was always into some barely cognitive daze before he fell back asleep. He tried to sit up, only to find every single muscle sore and settled back on the bed. He wasn't bothered much where he was; he was practically raised in hospitals. He was actually comfortable. He turned to look and blinked, "...Nathan?"

Nathan blinked, looking surprised, "Will... You should be asleep." He stood, taking the half step over, bringing him closer so he could look down at him.

"I was asleep, now I'm not," Will mumbled as he regained his bearings. "How long have I been out?"

"Since I brought you in? About a day. How do you feel?" Nathan kept his voice low, but his concern was evident.

"Like I've been hit by a car. I think." Will took a deep breath and winced. "Yep, I'm sure. You... brought me in?"

Nathan nodded, "Yeah. Adam and Donna were able to find out where you were being held. She's around here, somewhere," he said, off hand.

"Just great," Will mumbled to himself, "Thanks, though."

Frowning slightly, Nathan pulled the chair over, sitting so he could rest his elbows on the bed and still be able to look at Will. "What happened?" he asked quietly.

"Someone was waiting for me at my place, they brought me some place in the middle of nowhere to beat the crap out of me," Will said a bit too evenly.

There was something missing, something Will wasn't telling. Nathan could hear it in his voice. "I was worried," he said softly, wishing there was a better way to describe it.

Will gave a small smile, "Yeah... sorry about that. I didn't want to. I was worried about you too."

"Didn't want to?" Nathan asked, confused.

"I didn't want you to be worried," Will said, brow furrowed.

"Will, you went missing for nearly three weeks!" Nathan reached out, resting his hand on Will's cheek, "of course I was worried. Not to mention Donna finding your--” Stopping mid sentence, Nathan shook his head.

"Finding my what?" Will looked at him oddly.

"Never mind that. But yes, I was worried." Nathan knew he wasn't a very good liar, but he was hoping there would still be some drugs running through Will's veins.

Will frowned, "Never mind what, Nathan?" He was pretty drugged up, but he could follow single sentences well enough, especially when Nathan was trying to hide something.

Sighing, Nathan resigned himself to upsetting Will. "Donna found your car. Um. It's pretty beat up."

Will winced, "Exactly how beat up?"

"It's... it's not salvageable." Nathan winced, "I'm sorry, Will."

Will closed his eyes, "Fuckin' A... Where is it?"

"Donna's got it, at the police station."

"This just... this just fucking tops it."

"I'm sorry," Nathan said again, soothingly running his hand over uncovered skin.

Will looked up and took his hand, "It's not your fault." He paused, "I mean it's not, right?"

Squeezing his hand, Nathan shook his head. "Ah, no. I had nothing to do with this." The question had hurt, but he supposed, given his track record, that it had been fair to ask.

"Then... then don't worry about it. I mean, it's just the only thing my dad ever really gave me. Even though when he gave it to me it was a wreck to drive. I only put my life into fixing it up. No big deal." Will was obviously so bitter.

"You can fix it, maybe?" Nathan decided not to mention how bad the car looked in the photos. "Or you could get another one..."

"Not... the point," he grumbled.

"I know," Nathan sighed. "The doctor said you can leave, in a couple of days, if you promise to stay off that foot," Nathan informed him, looking to change the subject.

"Trust me, fucking up my leg more is the last thing on my to do list," Will groaned.

"It should heal alright," Nathan assured him, "despite how long it was broken for."

Will blinked, "How long was it broken for? Wait... wait, never mind. I don't want to know," he quickly retracted.

"Do you know how long you had the fever? Were they drugging you," Nathan asked, remembering how incoherent Will had been.

"I don't think they were drugging me.. But I was out most of the time. They could have. The fever was kind of new. I think three days or more."

"You seem so matter of fact about it," Nathan noted.

Will looked at him irritated, "Sorry Nathan, tell them to get some more drugs in here and I'll probably start bursting into tears."

"And now you're cranky," Nathan ignored the annoyed tone in Will's voice. "Maybe you should go back to sleep?"

Will stared at him, "Nathan, I've been half conscious for the past week. I was fevered because I got the damned flu from being handcuffed to the floor. If I got drugged, I didn't know it. Excuse me if this bothers me just a little!"

"Yes, but you're aiming it at me. Which isn't very fair." Nathan kept his voice even, not an easy thing to do when one hadn't slept in three days and emotions were running high.

"You're talking like my answers aren't good enough. And I know the sound." Will hissed, the drugs keeping him from being tactful.

"Actually, I was talking like I was worried that you seemed too detached from what happened." Taking a deep breath, Nathan fought too keep calm. Will had an excuse to upset and angry, Nathan didn't.

"This is how I deal with it," Will looked away, to glare elsewhere.

Nathan hadn't let go of Will's hand, and squeezed it again. "It's okay," he said quietly.

"Exactly what is 'okay?'"

Sighing, Nathan stared at the side of Will's head. "You being upset. You taking that feeling out on me."

"No it's not. So I'll just act detached," Will mumbled.

Nathan frowned, and reached over to smooth his hair back. "Do you need anything," he asked.

"No... My laptop maybe, but I don't need anything else." Will smirked despite himself and settled back on the bed, "Maybe I can lift my arms by then."

"You just need to rest. Which is why I'm not bringing you your laptop. Working is not resting," Nathan informed him.

"Not for you. It's resting to me." Will smiled. "A couple days?"

Nathan nodded, "Yeah, and then I can bring you home." Will's smile was heartening. "I'll bring you a book. And sweat pants."

"That's good too."

"And then you can have your laptop. After you're home."

"Alright, alright. It's only two days. I'll last."

"You'll be fine," Nathan said, both to Will, and to himself.

"I can talk to the nurses when you're not here," Will looked at him with a little grin.

"No you can't," Nathan growled, "because I'm not going anywhere. At least, not while your awake."

"I'm kidding." Will smiled.

"Humph." Nathan ran his thumb over the back of Will's hand, immensely glad he was okay.

Will tightened his hand around Nathan as much as he could; though it was obvious the drugs were still slowing his movements. "How've you been?"

"Worried sick and not sleeping." Nathan's smile was rueful, "but aside from that? Just fine."

"Eh, at least there's that. You should get some sleep, Nathan."

"I will," he promised. "After you leave here."

Will sighed, "Nathan, that isn't going to make me feel any better."

"But it'll make me feel better." Nathan closed his eyes for a moment, before opening them to look at Will. "I don't want to leave you alone," he said quietly.

"I've been alone in a hospital before," Will shrugged. "It doesn't bug me at all."

"It bugs me. Humor me?"

Will sighed, "I can write myself out right now if you aren't going to go home and get some rest."

"You will not! Look," Nathan said, "they already offered me a couch. I'll have them bring it in, and I'll sleep there."

"So now you're going to stay here to make sure I stay here?"

"Yes," Nathan stated.

Will sighed loudly, but not seriously as he tried to sink into the bed as stiff as it was, "Jackass." He grinned.

"So you keep saying." Nathan grinned back, "Go to sleep Will, you need it."

"I've been asleep for a day, which is more than you. You go to sleep. I'm not going anywhere."

"I've been drinking coffee nonstop since you've been here. I don't think I'll be able to sleep anytime soon."

"It's nice to know I'm rubbing off on you," Will snickered.

Nathan muttered something about picking up bad habits, but he was smiling while he said it.

Will looked at his IV's, "You don't suppose you can pour a cup in one of those, can you?"

Looking amused, Nathan shook his head. "Here, I'll help you sit up, and you can drink from mine.

"Considering the drugs I'm on, it's probably bad." Will grinned, "I'm kidding Nathan. I was out of commission during any withdrawal. I'm good."

"So you say now," Nathan teased, "But the minute my back's turned..."

"It's okay, I won't jump out to steal yours."

He's Alive

Mon, 19 Jul 2004 02:04:11 GMT

We found Will last night. Half conscious, but alive. I... I don't believe any of what Donna found out. I can't believe it. He wouldn't do that to me.

The doctors are setting his broken foot now, but have assured me that he'll be fine. Thanks to Donna's badge, they didn't try to kick me out when visiting hours ended.

Adam sighed. "If this one isn't it, we've only got one more within an hour's drive."

Donna looked over at him, "And after that?" Nathan was just quiet, willing this to be the place. He needed to find Will.

"After that there are three more outside of town, and then we'd have to start checking places further away." Adam shook his head. "This places hadn't been used in a very long time... which bodes well actually."

Donna nodded, looking over at Nathan, worried. "Nathan, are you alright?" she asked. Nathan nodded, "Yeah Donna. I'm just worried." He offered her a half smile, before turning his attention back towards Adam.

It was already late evening and the sun was down, leaving only streetlamps to illuminate the row of tenement-like row houses on the street in front of them. Adam pulled his car in beside one about a block away from the address on his list

"Time to walk?" Nathan asked quietly, fingering the gun holster he wore. It had been a while since he'd last used it, but he wasn't worried about being rusty.

"Time to walk." Adam nodded. "Let me go first, they won't know on sight that I'm Immortal and I can take more abuse than either of you." He led the way around the rear of the buildings, staying the patches of shadow behind each house.

Donna positioned herself protectively in front of Nathan, something he would later find amusing. Donna knew he was capable of taking care of himself, but damnit! He was too much like a brother for her to watch him get hurt. Silently they followed Adam.

One of the guards was leaning against a door on the side of the building smoking a cigarette looking quite bored.

Adam scowled and motioned to Nathan and Donna to stay back. Before the guard had time to react Adam had one arm around his throat and his gun to his head. "So, taking a smoke break? Leave anyone inside? Nod or shake."

The guard swallowed hard, shaking. He nodded slightly.

A little ways behind, Donna watched with interest, Nathan with hard eyes.

"How many more inside?" Adam asked, pressing the gun to the man's temple hard enough to leave a mark.

"Two.” He squeaked out.

"Holding someone? A man? A Watcher?"

He nodded, obviously scared shitless.

Adam nodded, satisfied. "And he's alive?"

The man nodded again. "Barley."

Nathan hissed though his teeth, and Donna feared she'd have to hold him back.

Adam frowned and hit the man over the head with his gun. "Fucker." He snarled, opening the back door.

The man dropped to the ground in an unconscious heap.

Donna and Nathan moved forward, joining Adam at the door. "How do you want to play this?" Donna asked, her cop instincts taking over.

"There are two more guards, probably as ill-equipped for us as this one. One should be upstairs, with Snow, the other will be at the front door." Adam whispered. "Let's get rid of the man downstairs first." He pointed to what looked like a kitchen. "Go through that way and stay out of sight."

Nodding, Donna made sure the safety was off on her gun, watching as Nathan did the same. Cautiously, she crept into the room, Nathan following close behind.

Adam edged down a hall towards the front room. The guard there was sitting on a sofa, reading a magazine by the light of one dim lamp. When he saw Donna and Nathan creep into view from the other direction he nodded to them. They had a better angle than he did.

There was an evil grin spread across Donna's face, as she came up behind the guard. Her gun clicked loudly, aimed at the man's head. "Get up," she ordered.

The man got to his feet slowly. "I think you've got the wrong place." he said.

"I don't," Donna growled. "Put your hands where I can see them." She kept her gun level.

He raised his hands slowly.

Adam stepped out from the hallway now, making sure the man saw that his other exit was blocked.

Nathan, his own gun aimed squarely at the guard's head, edged over, reaching for the gun on the man's hip holster.

"What do you people want?"

"Donna," Nathan said, his voice low, dangerous, "Maybe we should explain to the man how kidnapping is wrong."

Grinning, Donna tilted her head, "I don't know, Nathan. Some people just wouldn't understand." Looking over at Adam, she nodded to him, "What do you think?"

"No one here as been kidnapped. You people have made a mistake." The man said calmly, fingers twitching to reach his coat shelve.

Adam darted forward and grabbed his arm, twisting it severely. "Sure, and I'm an Eagle Scout."

"Knock him out, before I shoot his fucking head off," Donna said in disgust.

"Your too late he' almost dead anyways. You find anything out from him."

Growling, Nathan's fist connected with the man's face. "I should kill you."

"Go ahead, it's not like he'll be missed." Adam muttered, starting for the stairs after snatching the gun and dagger the man had hidden on him.

Resisting the urge to kick the fallen body, Nathan followed, Donna close on his heels.

Adam took the stairs two at a time, somehow remaining silent. The rooms along the hallway on the upper floor were all empty until the end where the door was closed.

"Kick it down?" Nathan whispered, "or try the knob first?"

Adam answered by stepping in front of him and kicking the door open, immediately finding the third guard and firing before the man could finish pulling his own gun. He went down with a wound to his shoulder.

Will was barely conscious and in no way coherent. He lay on the floor, cuffed to a perturbing pipe, every now and then coughing to prove he was still breathing.

Nathan rushed into the room, breath leaving him as his eye's fell on Will. He nearly ran to his side, dropping to his knees next to him. "I need a key!" He called franticly.

Adam held down the third guard, who was obviously in a large amount of pain, and patted him down, tossing the keys to Nathan when he found them.

Donna was beside Nathan, looking at Will with ill concealed worry, "Here, Nathan, let me." In a moment, the cuffs were off.

Adam looked around the room. There was no sign of any of the normal facilities in an interrogation and only the guard at the back door had a tattoo. He frowned. "We need to get out of here fast, before the others come to."

Nodding curtly, Nathan gathered Will in arms, shocked by how light he felt. Carefully, so as to not bump anything, Nathan stood. "Lets go."

As they made their way out of the back door, the first guard moaned a bit and started to move. Adam scowled and urged Donna and Nathan faster.

Donna took the lead this time, gun held steady, as they hurried back outside. "Adam, you go ahead and bring the car closer, I'll stay with Nathan."

Adam nodded and went to get the car.

"He's feverish, Donna," Nathan said, making his way slowly towards the car. He had pressed his cheek against Will's forehead, could feel the burning heat radiate off him. "And his foot looks broken."

Adam pulled up in front of them. "I'm guessing you don't want to take him to a hospital and try to explain this?"

"Do we have somebody who can take care of him?" Donna asked, helping Nathan into the car.

Will tried to shift, but found himself too weak. All he could manage was a wince and a few weak mumbles, the only coherent plea being, "Let me go."

Nathan had been surprised when he felt Will move, and had to hold him so he wouldn't hit his foot against the car door. "It's okay, Will. I've got you," he murmured, smoothing Will's hair back. "We'd better take him to the hospital, Adam," Nathan said, looking forward.

Adam frowned and looked around, distracted suddenly. At the other end of the road a car sped away. "Fuck." He muttered. "Okay, hospital it is.

"Shit," Donna said, "You think that was them?" She watched the other car fade away.

"It was another Immortal." Adam told her as he turned down the other end of the street and started for the hospital. "I don't even want to think about what that might mean."

"Fuck." Donna echoed him. "And I'm sure Joe won't either."

"You going to stay at the hospital with them?" Adam asked.

Donna nodded, "As long as they let me. Having my badge should help that." She looked over her shoulder, "How is he, Nathan?"

Nathan just shook his head.

Adam drove faster.

Will was still turning as much as he could, forcing himself into some level of consciousness, though he couldn't really understand what was being said, "I said let me go.." he mumbled again.

"He's probably dehydrated." Adam muttered.

Will was too weak to move much, in Nathan's grasp, but he kicked, and Nathan knew that if his foot hit something, it was going to hurt an awful lot. "Will, stop moving. It's only me, Nathan. I've got you." Nathan looked up, "Do we have any water?"

"In the back, there should be a few bottles." Adam told him. They were only a few minutes from the hospital now.

Carefully, Nathan looked around, finding an unopened bottle. Tilting Will's head up, he slowly dribbled the water between his parted lips, waiting for Will to swallow it before pouring more.

Adam stopped the car in front of the ER doors. "Right, I'm sure they'll see him fairly quickly." He sneered as he opened the back door for Nathan.

"Do you have a better idea?" Donna asked, irritated by his attitude.

Will coughed again after drinking down the small amount of water.

"No, I just hate Emergency Rooms." Adam shrugged, helping Nathan get Will out of the car.

Cradling Will in his arms, Nathan nodded to the Immortal. "I've got him. Go tell Joe, Donna and I will stay here." Donna had already handed Adam Nathan's gun, and had pulled her badge out.

"Yeah, I've got to go by Joe's anyhow." Adam told them, taking the gun and tucking it away. "Take care of yourselves."

"We'll certainly try," Donna answered, leading Nathan towards the doors.

Private Post-- Donna only.

Sat, 10 Jul 2004 22:06:46 GMT

His car. His fucking car. I can't believe it. Donna showed me the pictures and it looks like someone drove it into a tree, backed up into a truck, and then drove into the tree again. I keep having nightmares of it, even though Donna's near postive he wasn't in the car at the time. But it's all I see when I close my eyes. And my suddenly overactive imagination keeps adding a bruised and broken body.

Any fear I had about him walking away from me has now been replaced with one much colder.

Donna took the stairs up to Nathan's apartment a bit slower than usual, weighed down by the heavy cardboard box in her arms. She hated to burden Nathan like this, but she needed something to talk to, and she had some news for him anyway. She needed a brother, now more than ever. Propping the box up against the door, she knocked twice, not really wanting to unlock the door if Nathan was already home.

Nathan had his head cradled in an arm, sprawled across the table. The knocked jerked him awake from his light doze, and he blinked bleary eyed at the door. Standing, he padded over to open it, without even looking to see who it was first.

Noticing the look in his eyes, Donna smiled softly and asked, "Nathan, did I catch you at a bad time? Because if I did, I can always come back later..."

"Oh, no," he shook his head, "It's never a bad time for you Donna. What time is it anyway?" he asked, a little confused, while ushering her inside.

"Only like six o'clock or so, dinnertime." She dropped the heavy box on the kitchen table, glad to be rid of its weight. "I've... got some news for you, as well as a favor."

"Man," Nathan mumbled, rubbing a fabric crease on his cheek. He moved to start a pot of coffee, looking over at her. "Okay, favor I can do," he eyed the box for a moment, "And news? I don't suppose I should hope for it to be good?"

"Well... if I said it could be worse, would that make you feel better?" Donna rested a hand on Nathan's shoulder. "Maybe... you should sit down."

He grasped her hand, holding tight "Donna," he took a deep breath, "please, just tell me." He looked at her, catching her eye.

She held his gaze. "We found Will's car, Nathan."

"Just... just the car?" He fought to keep his voice steady.

"Just the car, no sign of Will anywhere." She wanted to hug him, but wasn't sure if Nathan would be receptive to it at this point. "Nathan, it looks like someone got rid of the car after Will... left it. It's... it's trashed."

"Trashed?" he asked, unthinking. "But no Will? Donna, there was no sign of Will?"

"No sign of Will at all." She shook her head, resting her hands on his shoulders. "He would have never let them do that to his baby if he was there, you know that. That car... will never be saved. I'm still looking into it... but I thought you should be the first to know."

"Will's car..." Nathan said softly, closing his eyes. "I suppose I should be grateful that he wasn't in it, right?" His smile was bitter.

"We'll find him, I promise. You just have to keep hope."

"I'm trying Donna, I swear, I am." He took a deep breath, attempting to steady himself again. But then he gave up, and leaned towards her, wrapping his arms around her in a death grip.

She held him close, practically keeping him from falling over, which was difficult given how much taller he was than her. "It's going to be okay, Nathan," she said soothingly, rubbing his back. "It's going to be okay."

He realized his cheeks were wet and squeezed his eyes shut to stop the soundless crying. It was the first time he'd done that. "You're right, Donna. It'll be okay. It has to be." Nathan buried his face in her shoulder for a moment longer, before pulling away, wiping at his cheeks.

Donna helped him wipe the tears away. "I wish I had better news for you," she said softly, hugging him again, offering what comfort she could.

"It's better than nothing, right?" He offered her a small smile, before turning to pour two cups of coffee. He used that time to pull himself together, and when he turned around to hand Donna a mug, he looked nearly normal. "So, you need a favor?"

"Um, yeah." Donna became a little flustered, wrapping her hands around the warm mug. "I... I need you to be here for me. I'd ask Joe but... I don't think this is something I really need to involve him in..."

"Donna, I'm always here for you. What do you need?"

She pointed to the box. "Hold me when I start crying. Because that box is full of all the shit I still have of Jeremy's and I'm determined to put it all behind me."

"Can we burn it?" Nathan asked, putting an arm around her shoulders. He looked around for the box of tissues.

"Already beat you to that one. Had my sister-in-law help me and everything... needless to say we were both kind of drunk." Donna rested against Nathan. "I haven't seen whatever's in there in... six years, maybe? Ever since I stopped wearing the ring..."

"You want me to help?" he held her, sharing his strength with her, and borrowing hers. "We could open it together..."

She nodded slowly. "Could you please?"

"Alright." Nathan reached over, with his free arm, pulling at the box. He gripped the corner of the tape, yanking it up, and pried the top open. "Do you want to look first?"

"Yeah..." Drawing a deep breath, Donna reached inside the box, pulling out a handful of photos. They showed her and Jeremy together, at family picnics and such, and a few of them getting ready for the wedding. She closed her eyes, trying to block out the memories.

"Nathan... I forgot these were in here," she whispered. "I thought I burned all of these..."

"Well, we can burn them now," he stated, hugging her.

"Maybe..." Her voice was barely above a whisper as she pulled out a small velvet box. She held it out in front of her and stared at it, her other arm wrapped around Nathan.

"Do you want..." He looked at her, a little worried.

Donna bit her bottom lip. "I... I can't open it."

"Then don't. We don't need to know what's inside." He took the small box from her, and moved it to the side, along with the small stack of photos. "Alright, what else is in there."

"I already know what's in there, Nathan. It's... hard to forget your engagement ring." She hugged him briefly before during back to the box. "Let's see... there's a sweater I used to wear around the house... still smells like his cologne too. And..." Donna paused, pulling out a stack of letters. "Oh god, Nathan, tell me why I kept this..." Slowly she unfolded one, reading it to herself.

"Because you're too sentimental." He pulled the letter from her fingers, carefully folding it back up. "You know," he mused, "I know this idea that might make you feel a little better about this..."

She tried to blink away the tears in her eyes and was only mildly successful. "What is that?"

"We go find a large body of water, and chuck the ring right into it. I'm pretty sure you can throw far."

Somehow, Donna found herself clutching the velvet box, as if it was a part of herself. "I don't think I'm strong enough to do it," she whispered.

"I think you are," Nathan said softly.

She shook her head, trying not to cry. "No, I'm not. Not when it comes to this. This is like... throwing away a dream, Nathan."

"Donna," he rested a hand on her chin, tilting her face up, "look at me. That was a dream. A nightmare, even. This? This is real. Me, and you, and Joe. This is your life now."

"But... is it bad that I want that? The wedding, the husband, the family..." Donna leaned forward, resting her head on Nathan's chest. "I'll never have that now."

"Yes you can," Nathan said, smiling softly. "All you really need, if you want that, is to talk to Joe. He loves you, Donna."

"Love... is one thing. Marriage is another. After Amy... I don' t know if Joe will ever want that." She laughed, cynically. "God, I'm starting to sound like my mother."

"Maybe you should have a little faith in him." Nathan ignored her last comment, instead he hugged her tight. "Joe's only human, you know."

"I have faith in him. I just... don't know." Donna hugged him back, not wanting to let go. "I see my brother and how happy he is, and I want that, Nathan. And then I realize that I'm not getting any younger..."

Nathan snorted, "Because you're so old now, oh wise one. You could be happy too, you know. Talk to Joe. It really can't hurt."

"Maybe I will." Donna managed a small smile. "Maybe I will..."

Private

Fri, 02 Jul 2004 04:43:24 GMT

Will's... missing. He left a note, telling me he was going over to Matt's and then for a drive, but then he never came home. I'm really trying not to panic, but I called Matt's, the other day,

Nathan knew Will had told him he was going for drive, but it wasn't like him to stay out all night without letting Nathan know first. And he didn't. So Nathan was starting to get a little worried. Picking up the phone, he anxiously dialed Matt's number, and waited for someone to pick up.

Matt wiped off his hands and grabbed the phone in the kitchen. "Hallo..."

"Matt?" Nathan asked, "Is Will there?"

"No, why? Did he find another record for me?" Matt asked.

"No..." Nathan took a deep breath, fumbling around him to pull out a kitchen chair. "He hasn't come home yet, and I was hoping he was still with you."

"Matt who is it?" Dana called from the living room.

"No... he left here pretty quickly, didn't even stay for a drink." Matt ducked his head out of the kitchen. "It's Nathan, Will never got home from our place the other day..."

"He didn't?" Dana walked into the kitchen looking worried. "Has he checked Will's place?"

"You hear that Nathan? What about Will's place?"

Nathan shook his head, before remembering Matt couldn't see him. "First place I looked... He told me he wanted to go for a drive, but he said he'd be home. Matt, it's not like him to disappear."

Dana took the phone from Matt. "Nathan have you called his family?"

Matt went to grab the phone in the bedroom. "You said he had his car?"

"Dana, Will doesn't have family. At least, he doesn't talk to the ones that are left. And yeah, he was going to take it out..."

"Still call them if you have the number Nathan, they might have heard something."

"And Donna might be able to do something about looking for his car." Matt added.

"I'll have to go through Will's things. He never gave me the number." Nathan was taking deep breaths, "I was going to call Donna next. I'm really worried about him."

"I wish you'd called sooner Nathan. I'll see if my outside camera caught anything." Dana told him.

"I don't blame you Nathan." Matt went back into the kitchen. "Have you asked Joe?"

"Not yet. You're the first people I called. Sorry Dana, he said he wanted to go for a drive. Knowing Will, that meant he wanted some time alone. I didn't know how long he'd be gone for." A small note of panic had entered his voice.

"I'm going to go check our cameras." Matt said before he hung up his phone.

"I'm sure he's fine. He might have just kept driving; I've done that before you kinda let your mind wander. Until we know something’s wrong don't panic okay?"

"That's what I'm worried about," Nathan muttered, under his breath. "Dana, what if he decided to leave?"

"I don't know Nathan. We don't know anything for sure." Dana told him trying to stay calm herself. "Don't go out and do anything rash okay?"

"Of course not." He squeezed his eyes shut, resting his head between clasped hands, "I going to go back to his apartment. I've got a key somewhere."

"If you need anything done hesitate to stop by or call okay? And keep me updated on Will. I'll see what I can find out on this end."

"Thanks Dana. I'll let you know if I find anything." Nathan, still working not to panic, carefully hung up the phone. Looking down at his hands, he realized they were shaking.

I can't help but think that maybe he decided that he couldn't be bothered with me anymore, or that I was taking up too much of his time or effort. And I don't know what I'd rather think... Either he left me, or something really bad happened to him. Right now, I don't know which would be worse.

And Mike keeps calling me to meet him for dinner. I think that's too much, even if I wasn't worried sick over Will. I think it's time I went to Donna's.

Private.

Mon, 21 Jun 2004 14:49:02 GMT

I woke up before Will today. Not something that happens very often, but I didn't sleep well, last night, and I finally gave up and opted instead to just lay there next to him.

Last night... Last night was good. I suppose I needed to pretend like everything was okay. And it is. I know that. I just... need to deal with this.

It's odd, you know. I mean, I'm the one that left him, no matter what the circumstances were. It shouldn't bother me so much. I should have just closed the door, gone back to Will, and forgotten the whole thing. I certianly should not be sitting here, staring at the slip of paper with his number.

I wonder if it's some morbid curoisity that making me itch to call.

This is getting to be too much.

Sun, 20 Jun 2004 23:33:52 GMT

I don't understand how my days go from being really good, to terrible. And this isn't going to get better quickly, either.

Nathan picked a corner booth, with the perfect line of site to the door. Watching, he'd be able to easily flag Donna down when she walked in.

Donna strode into the parlor, looking around for Nathan. She was supposed to meet him here, but she wasn't sure at exactly what time. Hopefully she was a few minutes early and would be able to get a seat before he got there.

Catching her dark hair before actually seeing her face, Nathan stood and called out to her. "Donna! Over here!"

Smiling, she made her way over to him. "Nathan, long time no see!" Donna exclaimed, wrapping him in a tight hug.

"I know!" He pulled her close, glad to see her. "You've been busy?"

"Unfortunately, and I hate when I'm busy and I'm still not getting anywhere." Donna pulled back a bit to see Nathan's face. "And you've got yourself a houseguest, I hear?"

Nathan's face softened into a small smile. "Yeah... Will really didn't want to go back to his place after... well, after we found the dead Watcher. So he's all but moved in with me. It's actually really nice."

"Watcher problems brought Joe living with me, too. Although we should move to his place... I mean, he has a house, I have a one bedroom apartment. Makes no sense." She sat down at the corner table, motioning for Nathan to join her. "I'm glad you're happy."

“How are things with you and Joe?" Nathan asked, sipping from his water glass

Donna smiled, blushing a little. "It's... good. Granted, we haven't been answering the phone in fear of talking to my mother, but other than that, he's been taking good care of me."

Nathan nodded, "Good, that's what I like to hear. You should get caller id."

"You're telling me. I love Mom, but..." Donna sighed, "She doesn't realize all of the circumstances, I think. There's too much I can't tell her."

"Yeah..." Nathan nodded his understanding. "It's the same with me and my sisters. I'm lucky my mothers pretty busy in Florida."

"My entire family's back in Seattle. I don't think they understood why I left..." Donna looked up at Nathan, "Florida? Is that where you were born?"

"Oh no. I was born up in Seattle too. No, after my dad died, my mom moved down there, to be with her sister. All the rest of my family is in the Seattle area."

"I'm sorry about your dad.... You know, it would be funny if my family knew your family."

Nathan chuckled softly. "I wouldn't be surprised. I should ask my sister, next time we talk."

"She probably knows my brother." Donna laughed. "He's the kind of guy who likes to know everything that's going on."

Laughing, Nathan nodded, "So does Melissa. She's running the family business now. It's a restaurant. She knows everything that goes on there."

"Restaurant? Which one?" Donna sipped her water, leaning forward. "I was a waitress in college..."

"It's an Itailan place, Orlando's. Named after my great grandfather, or something. My dad started it, years ago."

"You've got to be kidding me!" Donna laughed. "Holy shit..."

"What? Don't tell me you worked there?" Nathan asked in surprise, eye's widening slightly.

"Yeah, on and off for six years." Donna clasped a hand over her mouth to control her laughter.

Blinking, Nathan looked at her. "You know what this means right? My sister's probably laughing her ass off, right now. I can't believe she didn't tell me! And you know, you must have worked there while I was on the east coast, going to school."

"Probably, I was living at home, just trying to make my way." Donna shook her head in disbelief. "Ask Melissa if she remembers a chain-smoking college drunk, and that would be me."

"I'm sure Melissa's memories of you are slightly better," Nathan grinned. "I'll ask her, when I talk to her."

"I'm curious to know what she says." Donna smiled back. "I don't know if we would have recognized each other, even if we had met. I was... quite a different person back then."

"Weren't we all?" he said lightly.

"Probably. You know, it's the one thing I'm grateful to Jeremy for... he made me quit smoking. Nasty habit, especially when you don't have the money for it."

Nathan frowned at the mention of Jeremy. "Smoking is gross though," he agreed. "What kind of ice cream do you want?" he asked, standing to go place the order.

She twisted around in her chair to watch him. "Cookies and cream. And how did I know you'd say that?"

"Um, because you know me so well?" Nathan grinned. He went over, and got two ice cones, both with cookies and cream. Handing her hers, he licked a drip of it off his hands."

"That must be why." Donna accepted the ice cream gratefully as Nathan sat back down. "Sometimes it's a better alternative than the hangover though."

"I don't know about that... At least the hang over goes away, and you don't smell like it, even after a shower."

"You get used to it. Still makes me a little... nostalgic." She ate her ice cream slowly, licking away the drips around the bottom of the cone. "This is really good, Nathan."

"I found it by accident," Nathan grinned. "I brought Joe here, once."

Her face flushed a little at the mention of her boyfriend's name. "I forgot about that. I was a little jealous, you know."

"Really?" Nathan said, surprised. "What for? I certianly wasn't trying to steal him from you."

She shrugged, a little helplessly. "I know that now, but I didn't at the time. I don't know... maybe with all that's happened... I overreact a little."

Nathan reached over and snagged her hand, squeezing softly. "It's okay, I forgive you," he teased, trying to keep her a good mood.

She squeezed back, managing a small smile. "And I forgive you."

"Hey, Will's living with me, and we haven't had one fight!" Nathan exclaimed, smiling.

"Should I make you a cake to celebrate?"

"I think so," he nodded. "This might not last too long."

Donna sat up a bit straighter, confused. "What makes you say that?"

"Oh, nothing yet. It's just that I always managed to find a way to start a fight. I'm trying to be really good now, though."

"If you think you're going to start a fight, then chances are you will," Donna advised softly. "I have faith in you, Nathan. I know it will work."

"I'm trying. We both agreed that was the most important part. For us both."

"I'm glad for that then." She examined his face carefully, looking for what he wasn't telling her. "Is something else going on? You seem... uneasy."

Nathan sighed. "I'm fine, really. I've just been getting a lot of hang ups, lately. Like, two or three an hour."

"Hang ups? You didn't happen to get the number, did you?"

He shook his head. "No, I don't have caller id either."

"I wonder... would it help for you to know the number, or where the calls are coming from? I could probably find out for you," Donna offered.

"I don't know anything," he sighed. "It's driving me crazy, and I keep lying about the calls to Will, so I don't worry him, but I don't think he believes me... I"m a terrible liar."

"So am I." Donna reached out for Nathan's hand. "If you think this is serious, you need to tell Will. I don't think you should keep him in the dark on this."

"I know, I know... He already knows something's up."

"Then something's up. Question is what to do about it."

"I suppose we can't just leave it alone until we find out who's calling," he asked hopefully.

Donna just raised one eyebrow. "Sure Nathan, whatever you say. If I were you, I'd want to know who it was..."

"I do," he sighed, "but I really just want it to stop. Things are going good now... I want to keep it like that."

"I know, Nathan. I have the same fears as you with my relationship with Joe. But if there's a problem like this... Will needs to know." Donna sighed. "It's probably going to get worse from here."

He frowned. "Alright, Donna. I'll tell him tonight. Promise."

"I'm not forcing you to do anything you don't want to, or that you're not ready for."

"I know that, but you're right, of course." He smiled at her, "You usually are."

She smiled with him, "Only on my good days, rest assured." She finished her ice cream cone, popping the last piece into her mouth.

He grinned, having finished his cone ealier. "Well, I think we take turns..."

"Funny how that works, isn't it?" Donna chuckled, "I'm just waiting for you to drop by my apartment one night..."

He laughed, "Well, since Will and I aren't fighting, he might get a little jealous, if I told him I was spending the night with you."

"I was more looking forward to the expression on Joe's face when he found you sleeping next to me..." She giggled. "But I don't need a jealous Will either."

"Oh god," Nathan groaned, "I happen to like my life, thank you. I don't think I'd really want Joe hating me."

"I wouldn't let him hate you, honest! Just... it would be awkward. For Joe, at least..." Her voice trailed off. "You've... never seen him without the cane and all, have you?"

"No, I haven't. I don't suppose it's a big deal anyway. He's still Joe."

"That's how I feel. It's still a big deal for him though. Makes him nervous."

"I can get that," Nathan nodded.

"And speaking of making Joe nervous... I think I'm supposed to meet him at the bar pretty soon." Donna smiled up at Nathan. "The ice cream was great, we'll have to do it again."

"Sounds like a plan to me," he said, standing. He offered a hand to her, "I don't see you enough, now that we're not constantly having problems with our lovers."

Accepting his hand, Donna stood up beside him. "That's not the only reason we became friends, Nathan, and you know it. Now that Jon is home, maybe my work will lighten up a bit, and I'll have some more spare time."

"I hope so. I miss you," he whined softly, grinning.

"I miss you too, Nathan. You're like family now... and I need that, more than you know." She wrapped her arms around Nathan's taller frame in a tight hug.

He hugged her back, his arms fitting easily around her. "You too... you're like a sister to me now." He brushed his lips across her cheek.

Donna giggled as she planted a quick kiss on Nathan's cheek. "More kisses we won't tell Joe about?" she teased.

"'Course not. Or Will either," he grinned.

She leaned closer to him. "It'll be our little secret."

"I'd make you spit on it, but that's was always really gross," he said

"I think I'll pass, thanks. Your word is enough."

He laughed, "Come on, you don't want to be late, and I want to try to con Will into making me dinner.

But then... Fuck. I really just want to know how the hell he found me. And why?

"Damnit!" Nathan yelled, slamming the phone down. "That's the forth call in a row," he hissed, staring down at it, before pulling out the cord. "Not happening again... I should have done this hours ago."

"I told you to do that this morning," Will mumbled over his work.

"And I should have listened then," he muttered. "Well, it'll be fine now."

Will shook his head, setting his notebook aside. He went over to put his arms around him, "It's just phone calls. This is why you can turn the ringer off. Or get Caller ID."

A few moments later there was a knocking at the door.

Nathan looked up, "That's odd... I wasn't expecting anyone."

Whoever it was knocked again.

Will frowned, "Want me to get it?"

Shrugging, Nathan slipped out of Will's arms. "It's okay, I can get it..." He opened the door, and stood. "What the fuck are you doing here?" he said, to the person in the doorway.

Will looked over, trying to catch a glimpse past Nathan to see his visitor.

Mike gave him a small smile. "Hello Nathan." There was a backpack slung over his shoulder. "I missed you."

"Well, I didn't miss you. What do you want," he growled, not letting him in.

Will recognized that conversation and shook his head, pretending to return to his work while he eavesdropped.

"Owen left me for someone else." Mike sound tired and he looked pleadingly at Nathan. "Nate-love I know I hurt you but please...just let me just for a moment. I want to apologize...I want to try to explain.."

"I'm sorry? You want to explain? Explain what?" Nathan exclaimed, practically shouting. "Explain how you cheated on me for almost a year?" His laughter sounded harsh to his ears. "I'm sorry. You don't have that right. How the hell did you find me anyway?"

"It wasn't easy...but I had to find you, Nathan. I had to tell you that I'm sorry I hurt you and that I still love you." Mike sighed looking up at him. "I'd hoped… we could at least become friends again..."

"Ah. No. I don't think so, Mike. I'm with someone now, and I don't need you around to fuck it up." Nathan moved to close the door, "Have a nice life."

Mike reached out and grabbed his wrist. "Nathan, I just want to make it all up to you. Let me take you to lunch tomorrow, I'm sure your boyfriend won't mind... Please?"

Will twitched.

"That hurts, Mike," Nathan said, pulling on his wrist. "Let go."

Mike let go quickly. "C'mon Nathan...please?"

"Let him go," Will grumbled, dropping his eyes again.

Taking a deep breath, Nathan glanced back over at Will. "I don't think so. Just leave me alone, please."

"I didn’t think you'd be on to be so cruel Nathan. We meant a lot to each other." Mike said sadly. "Can I at least give you my number here in town?"

"Fine," he just wanted him gone. Nathan turned, and grabbed a slip of paper off the table, handing it to the other man.

Mike scribbled his number down and gave it back to Nathan. "Call me, please. I do want to make things right."

"I don't think you can," Nathan said softly. "Go away, Mike."

Reaching out he stroked the side of Nathan's face before he turned and left.

Blinking furiously, Nathan closed the door, leaning back against it. His hands were shaking.

Will stood up and headed over, his hand going behind Nathan's neck.

Nathan crumpled against Will, arms snaking around to hold him. "Why did he have to show up here?" he asked, his voice muffled by Will's shirt.

He sighed, "I don't know, Nathan..."

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"You don't have anything to be sorry about," he said quietly, arms going around him.

"I just... I didn't expect it to hurt so much. Seeing him again."

"It happens," he hadn't wanted to say any too cold even if he had been there himself.

"I know," Nathan said softly, standing straight. "I'm sorry," he repeated.

"It's okay, Nathan," he said holding him tightly. "Everything'll be alright."

"My wrist hurts," he muttered, looking at it over Will's shoulder. He was still holding the paper with the number on it.

Will let go of him to take a look at his wrist, "It's just a bruise."

Nathan sighed. "I'm being a baby. I'll be fine. You were working on something?"

"Nothing important." Will frowned.

"Oh..." Nathan stepped away, reaching for the coffee pot. He almost wished he had beer in the fridge, but he had stopped buying it. "Want some?" he asked.

"Yeah sure," he followed him to the kitchen, "Nathan... if you want to talk about this..."

He shook his head. "No, I'm fine. Really." Nathan smiled weakly, handing him a mug.

"Right," he mumbled as he took the mug.

Leaning on the counter, Nathan looked at him. He reached a hand out, "Will?"

He took Nathan's hand, "Yeah, Nathan?"

He tugged, and pulled him closer. "I love you."

Will held him, more than a bit worried, "I love you too, Nathan."

Nathan took a deep breath, resting his head on Will's shoulder. "I'm confused," he admitted.

"About what?"

"Mike... part of me wants to see him again."

Will's hold on him faltered for a moment, "...It happens."

"I sorry," he repeated. "I don't know what's wrong with me..."

"You loved him... it happens," he repeated, though less sure of himself this time.

"I love you," he said, almost fervently.

Will smiled softly, "I know... I know. I didn't mean anything."

Looking at the crumpled piece of paper, Nathan shook his head. "I just don't know how he managed to find me..."

"Ex's are sneaky," he mumbled.

That sounded like something from Will's past, Nathan noted, not saying anything. "I only told my family... And I somehow doubt Melissa said anything," he said, speaking of his sister.

"I don't know..." he shook his head again.

Sighing, Nathan shook his head. "I suppose it doesn't matter. He found me." Looking at Will, Nathan appeared worried, "I don't know how well he's going to take 'no' for an answer..."

"He's the one who left, he better take it for an answer." Will looked up, "Do you want me to go with you?"

"Yes?" Nathan asked, hopefully.

"Yeah sure..." Will brushed his lips against Nathan's cheek.

He smiled slightly, glad for the contact, as his arms tightened.

"Nathan... I meant what I said the other day. I love you and I'm not going to let him walk around like he can take you away from me," he muttered softly.

"He won't," Nathan promised, "he can't. I'm not his, anymore, and that was his choice. I've made mine. I love you."

Will kissed him quickly, hoping it was enough to break his concentration for the moment.

Nathan smiled weakly into the kiss, glad he had Will there. It was frightening to think of doing any of this alone. He let Will kiss him, hugging the man closer to him.

"We'll be okay," he whispered when he broke the kiss.

"Promise?" Nathan asked quietly, his lips blowing small puffs of air.

"I promise."

"Good."

And Will thinks I'm a distraction.

Sat, 19 Jun 2004 16:29:34 GMT

God damnit. If that fucking phone rings one more time... I'm so close to just pulling the cord out. I keep telling Will it's telemarketers, but I don't think he believes me. Luckily, he's working to hard to really notice.

Will was taking up space on Nathan's couch again. He was still in his pajama's huddled over his laptop and the files he had brought over the other day.

On the other side of the couch, Nathan felt the cushion's move, as Will shifted. He looked up from his book, catching a glimpse of Will's furrowed bows. "You alright over there?"

"I'm fine," he mumbled half-attentive.

Eyeing him for a moment longer, Nathan closed his book, and stood, stretching. He wandered into the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water, and a second one for Will. Padding back into the other room, he set the glass down in front of him.

He picked up the glass and drank a third down, then set it down to work again.

Chuckling softly, Nathan dragged the blanket off the back of the couch to tuck around his feet, and then went back to his book. He had finally gotten a chance to read the book Will had let him borrow ages ago.

"How is it?" he mentioned offhandedly as he swam through his files.

"It's really good," Nathan said, looking back up. "Langue takes a little getting used to, though."

"Well the French have to be a pain about it," he smirked a bit as he worked.

"Obviously," Nathan's nose wrinkled in annoyance. "Still though. I'm reading it quick enough."

He shrugged and looked up, "I'm hungry."

Nathan glanced at the clock. It was early still. "Want to go out for lunch?"

"I thought I could just nag you into cooking."

"You could," Nathan shrugged, "but going means better food."

"I can't argue that."

Reaching over, Nathan poked him with his foot. "Lets go shower."

He blinked and looked over, "Let's go what?"

"Shower? You never did, this morning."

"Together or separately?" Will still sounded confused.

"That's up to you, I suppose..." Nathan smirked slightly. "Though we'd probably be faster if we each took turns."

"Oh well in that case..!" Will grinned a bit, "You go first." He turned back to his notes.

Laughing, Nathan stood, dumping his blanket over Will's head. "I'll be right back."

He pulled the blanket off chuckling, "Don't get lost!"

"I think I'll be fine," Nathan called back, before disappearing into the bathroom.

Will just snickered before getting back to work.

A little later, Nathan came back into the living room, showered and dressed, though his hair was still wet. "You're turn," he announced.

"Gimme a minute..." he mumbled again, still caught up in his research.

"Will..." Nathan nagged, softly. "Go! I'm hungry too!"

"I'm going!" He closed up his work and set it aside, grabbing some clothes before trudging to the bathroom.

Shaking his head, Nathan picked up his book, content to wait.

He stepped out, already in his shirt and slacks, toweling off his hair, "I'm ready."

"Oh, good." Nathan stood, slipping his feet into his shoes. "Where do you want to eat?"

"Doesn't matter," he shrugged.

"Should we walk until we find something we like?"

"Sounds good to me. I wasn't getting anywhere anyway."

"Well, lets go then." Nathan led them downstairs, and to the street.

Will followed him out and took a breath, "You don't think your watch is going to be buzzing around today, do you?"

"Last I checked, she was busy with MacLeod. I don't think we've got much to worry about." He through an arm over Will's shoulders.

He got startled for a moment by the arm, then just smiled, letting it sink in. "Thank god."

Nathan chuckled. "I thought you weren't letting her bother you?"

"It's just nagging at me," he shrugged.

"She's fairly intimidating, I think."

"I'm not intimidated," Will huffed.

"Of course not," Nathan agreed, hugging Will's shoulders.

He smiled, "I'd almost think you didn't believe me."

"Now why would you think that?" Nathan teased.

He looked over, "You don't believe me?"

"Only a little."

"I'm not scared of her!"

"I didn't say you were! Just a little intimidated."

"I'm not intimidated either," he huffed again.

"Right. I'm sorry." Nathan looked around him, "You want Greek?"

"That's fine with me."

"You want to bring it back home, or stay here?"

"We can eat here. We're out already."

The two went into the restaurant, and were seated. Looking at Will over the edge of the menu, "What are you getting?"

He looked up, "Got me, can you order?"

"Yeah, sure. You'll eat anything, right?"

"Pretty much!"

"Great..." Nathan looked over the menu quickly. "Falafel?"

"Since I have no idea what that is, sure what the hell."

Laughing, Nathan ordered with the waiter. After he left, Nathan turned back to Will. "I'm tempted to tell you, but lets let it be a surprise."

"Just so long as you aren't trying to give me food poisoning, I'll be fine." He smiled and leaned back in the chair, a bit glad since it was the first time he had eaten out since he returned from Scotland.

"No food poisoning, I promise. Even if it's not cooked all the way, there's nothing it that would make you sick." Nathan grinned at him.

"You're trying to make me a hypochondriac," he laughed.

"Hey, if I were going to do that, I'd be cooking for you!"

"You're not helping!"

Nathan snickered, reaching for his water glass.

He smiled and looked at him, "It's good to go out, I guess..."

"We haven't in a while now... It's nice," Nathan agreed, smiling back. "We should go out more often."

"We should... We have better luck that way. We just got busy, I guess."

"I think 'busy' is an understatement," Nathan said, snorting softly. "And our luck hasn't been that bad, lately..." Thinking of the past fights made Nathan uncomfortable.

Will smiled softly, "Yeah.. Yeah I know."

The waiter came out then, placing the hot dishes in front of them. Nathan thanked him, and looked over at Will. "I can't believe you've never had Falafel before..."

"Anything my family didn't cook, I got from fast food chains."

"Man, I guess I was lucky... All it is, is ground chick peas and spices fried."

"It wasn't that bad." He blinked and started to eat, "Sounds good."

"It is. Here," he handed him a little container of a white sauce. "It's yogurt sauce, pour that over it."

He did as he was told and ate quietly. "So.." he said to fill up the awkward silence.

"So... Have you talked to Dana, lately?" he asked, for lack of something better to say.

He shook his head, "Not really. Just a little after that whole thing with Amanda but that's it. I think she's sleeping now. So that's better."

"That's good. That thing with Amanda and Adam really upset her."

"I know. If she's not I have to go back and watch their place."

"Maybe we should invite to stay with us? I've got the extra room..." Nathan pondered, drinking from his glass.

"Are you kidding, they won't move. They barely leave their place as it is."

"Ah well," Nathan shrugged, "it was just an idea."

"I'll ask them. I think it'd be easier anyway." He cracked a small smile, "Haven't been in a place with more than two people since I lived with my parents. Barracks don't count."

"It'll be like college," Nathan grinned, "by the end of it, we'll all hate each other."

He laughed, "Why wait! I should call them right now!"

"Great idea! I should dig out my cell!" Nathan laughed, shaking his head.

"Seriously. I'll call them when we get back." He took a sip of the water. "You don't think there's a problem with it though? I mean the all of us.." then he cut himself short, "No, never mind. I'm being paranoid."

"No... what?" Nathan asked, looking over at him.

Will took a deep breath and sighed. "I'm not very popular right now. And Matt wasn't either up until recently. I know I'm being paranoid. It's fine."

Eyeing him, Nathan thought he understood. "Are you worried about us all being in the same place?"

Will nodded, "Yeah."

"I don't think it's really something we need to worry about it... At least, not from our Immortals. Besides, I wouldn't want to worry about that. I think it would make me nuts..."

"Yeah it does," Will admitted, "But I always end up thinking like that. I'll call anyway. I know it's just me."

"If you want, we can work on a security system?"

"For Dana's sake, maybe."

Nathan nodded. "That's fine. Are you done?" he asked, pushing away his empty plate. "Should we get going?"

He nodded, "Yeah we might as well."

Settling the bill, the two left, walking back towards the apartment. "Glad to be away from the computer for bit?" Nathan asked Will.

"Surprisingly, yes," he smiled over. "I didn't realize how badly I needed a breather."

"You're a work-a-holic," Nathan accused fondly.

"Does that surprise you?" he grinned.

"Well, if it ever did, it sure as hell doesn't now! I've been watching you work like crazy, these past few weeks."

"That'd sound a lot better if I actually got anywhere. This guy's got more ghosts than the Haunted Mansion in Disneyland."

"You know," Nathan started, as they made their way up the stairs, "Didn't Pierson go after him? You probably don't need to keep killing yourself."

There was a pause, "Matt's got doubts."

"Oh?" Nathan unlocked the door, letting Will in.

"Yeah but.. As much of an asshole I think Pierson is, I don't think he'd let out a kid to dry."

"I don't think so either. Pierson cares about that kid." Nathan shook his head. "You know, I've watched Pierson, watching Amanda, and I think Matt's being a little paranoid..."

"Matt's always a little paranoid," he shrugged, "But he's got more right to be than anyone. And with as much as Pierson messes with him, he's taking it relatively well."

"True enough," Nathan agreed.

He rubbed his eyes, looking begrudgingly at his notebook, "I'll.. Call them later tonight."

"Hey," Nathan said softly, "why don't you leave that, for now. I'll put on a movie or something, and we can relax."

He looked at him questioningly for a moment, "It's too early in the day for sex."

"I didn't say anything about sex!" Nathan exclaimed, grinning. "I was talking about a movie. And sitting. And watching until your brain goes numb." He shook his head, and muttered, "besides, it's never to early for sex."

"My brain's already numb. And we've had sex both he last time we tried to see a movie and the last time you tried to get me to relax. And it's pretty early."

Nathan was laughing. "Okay, go ahead, you go work. Though you have to admit, I got you to relax pretty good..."

He had to grin at that and chuckle a bit himself, "Oh yeah, that felt pretty good." He started to set the notebook and files off the couch neatly, "If Pierson's gone, that means the immortals or going to start moving soon. So even if I find anything, it won't do anyone any good. A day off wouldn't kill me."

"Oh, now you want to stop. And here I was, looking forward to going back to my book." Nathan was grinning now. "Movie then?" he asked.

"If you're complaining I’ll find something else to work on," he grinned. "Or I can go back to my place and surf Roman porn."

"Because you like the Roman porn so very much, I know. You gonna stop and buy some bleach on the way?" Nathan teased, flipping through the DVD's. "You know," he said thoughtfully, "maybe you should just pick it, this time..."

"A melon baller actually." He grinned, "Choose something. I won't complain, I swear."

"I should make you watch "Dirty Dancing," Nathan muttered under his breath. "Um, Lord of the Rings?"

"Well if I knew you were going to do it to torture me..."

"Fine, fine..." He mock glared at Will, "I thought you weren't going to complain?"

"Like I said! I wouldn't have said that if I knew you were going to torture me with it."

"Oh, you go pick something! I like that movie!"

"It's three hours long," Will grumbled and went over to where he kept his movies. "Homer couldn't sit through that thing."

"I did. A few times, thank you very much."

"I won't say anything." He was flipping through the boxes. "We can try Die Hard again."

"Go for it." Nathan took a spot on the corner of the couch, waiting for Will to join him.

He set the disc up and sat down on the couch, "You need more movies."

"I'll make sure to keep that in mind, next time I go to the video store," Nathan grinned, reaching for Will.

That aren't three hours long," he added. Will smiled at him and leaned over.

Nathan draped an arm over Will's shoulders. "Of course not, Will. I'll get some cheesy action films that are only and hour and half long, just for you."

"My attention span's better than that!"

"Sure it is..." Nathan grinned.

"You're not believing a word I say today, are you?"

"No, not really," he confirmed.

He smirked and leaned to kiss him, "You're a jackass."

"So you've said," Nathan grinned. "And I thought we were going to watch the movie?"

"I'm watching, I'm watching," he rescinded.

Nathan chuckled softly, pulling Will closer. "You told me I was a distraction..."

"Do you see me working right now?" He grinned.

"You were the one that put it away!"

"Nathan," he gave a mocking sigh, "I really don't feel like working right now."

"I suppose that's a good thing, since I really don't want you to be working, anyway..." Nathan grinned, running his fingers over the skin of Will's neck.

He grinned and leaned over to kiss him again, "You're so difficult sometimes."

"Something else you've made me quite aware of, thank you," Nathan kissed him back.

"Well you are," he insisted.

"So you've said. I'm not disagreeing."

He grinned once more and kissed him.

The arm Nathan had around Will's shoulder slipped down to his waist, tugging him closer. "You keep kissing me, and we're not going to finish the movie," Nathan said teasingly.

"Well, I'm surprised," he grinned, nipping the tendon at his neck.

"I was planning on being good!" Nathan said, leaning down to catch Will's mouth.

He leaned back and grinned, "Well we could be good too."

Nathan started laughing, pulling Will against him. "I've got a feeling we would be." He ran his hands down Will's sides, and kissed him again.

"Never heard you complain before," he muttered softly. His hands went under Nathan's shirt and rose up.

"Well, I wasn't going to start now," he sighed, reveling in the light touch.

He grinned at how his body turned and rubbed his palms deeply into Nathan's sides and back.

"Mmm," Nathan murmured, shifting a bit to give Will room.

"We won't make it through a movie will we?" he whispered, pushing his shirt up.

"Doubt it," Nathan said, pulling his off, and reaching for Will's, "at least, not this movie..."

Will fumbled to unbutton his shirt before tossing it aside, "We need to try another movie."

"But not today." Nathan ran his hands over Will's warm skin, leaning over to kiss his collarbone.

He groaned softly, "Definitely not today..."

Nathan's lips moved up, kissing along Will's neck before catching his lips.

Will put his hand behind his neck and pulled him into a deep kiss, his other hand sliding down Nathan's side to his leg.

Nathan really wanted Will out of his clothes. He slipped his hand between them, working on undoing the top button of the kakis.

Will grinned widely, stilling for a moment so Nathan could work his pants off.

Kissing Will quickly, Nathan worked down the zipper, then pushed off Will's pants, letting them end up somewhere on the floor.

He groaned and pressed himself against Nathan, lifting up only to fumble with Nathan's own zipper.

Laughing softly, Nathan shifted to help him, undoing the zipper himself, and shimming out of the jeans.

He bent down, muttering through a heavy kiss, "Thought your couch was too small."

"It is," Nathan grumbled softly, "but moving takes to much time." His breath was warm against Will's neck, where Nathan was pressing kisses.

He laughed, "Too much time?" Will grinned, breaths heavy. His hands went down Nathan's back and pulled up again. He pulled gently on Nathan's hair, tilting his head up so he could kiss his lips again.

"What," Nathan started, when they finally broke apart, "you want to stop and move? 'Cause I sure don't..." He ran his fingers over Will's chest, before slipping back around his body.

"Move? Nah..." he grinned, arms going around Nathan's back as he dropped back down onto the couch, so he could position the man in his lap.

Nathan let Will move him, grinning back. "Didn't think so..."

As soon as Nathan was settled again, he leaned up to kiss his lips starting the trip back down his jaw and neckline.

He sighed, letting his head roll back slightly to give Will room. His hands skimmed over Will's back, making odd patterns on the hot skin.

He brought him down against him, arms tightening around him, "Nathan..." he whispered softly as he kissed his shoulder.

"Hmm?" he answered, turning his head towards Will, kissing his cheek lightly.

He smiled softly, "Love you," and he kissed him before he could say it back.

Smiling against the kiss, Nathan nipped at Will's lower lip, sucking on it lightly, before releasing him, and kissing his jaw.

He exhaled slowly, taking one of Nathan’s hand and placing it down against his cock.

Nathan raised an eyebrow, and snaked his free hand up behind Will's head, pulling him down to kiss. His other hand slowly ran along the length of Will's cock, before closing around it.

He gasped quickly just before meeting Nathan's lips. His hands tightened around Nathan's shoulders as he kissed.

He slowly pumped his hand along the shaft, fingers running over the tip, using the precome to ease the motion.

With a whimper he broke the kiss, back dropping against the back of the couch hands shaking against Nathan's thighs.

Grinning at Will's response, he tightened his grasp slightly, moving faster now.

He whimpered, clenching onto the couch cushions, feeling his body tighten up.

Not slowing, Nathan continued the motion, hearing Will's breaths come in jerky gasps.

His hands clenched and he yelped loudly, shooting up over Nathan's hand.

Nathan's hand still slowly. He was laughing softly, and reached for Will with his free hand.

Will still writhed beneath him, panting shallow with a slight whine to his voice.

"You okay?" Nathan asked softly, kissing his shoulder.

Will gulped and nodded. His head dropped against his shoulder.

"Don't forget to breath," Nathan teased, nuzzling his neck. His fingers were still soothing Will's cock softly.

He gasped again and bit down his lip.

"Maybe I should stop that, hmm?" Nathan snickered.

He spasmed, completely dissolved into whimpers and pants.

Kissing Will's neck, he let is hand drop away, just leaving one finger to keep to the repetitive motion of stroking up and down.

Will whimpered again and brought him down to the couch. He kissed down his throat and chest, fingers finding their way up and down Nathan's torso again.

Nathan sighed softly, his muscles rippling under the light touch of Will's fingers.

Will brushed his hand against his cock then down to his hip to lift it up for him.

Gasping lightly at the swift touch, Nathan let Will move him.

He guided himself in slowly, trying to be as gentle as he could.

Nathan whimpered softly, his eyes closed tightly. He relaxed his muscles, as Will slowly pushed forward.

"Shh..." He brushed his hand against Nathan's hair. He kissed his shoulder again. Moving slowly with him.

Nathan's arms slipped under Will's, clasping around his back. His mouth opened slightly, as he drew in gasps of air.

He kissed him delicately as he moved deeply into him.

A small noise escaped Nathan's lips, while his hands clenched over Will's shoulder blades.

He murmured to him, an arm snaking around his waist to provide some support while the other rested beneath his head. His movements were slow while he rocked in.

Nathan was breathing in shallow breaths, slowing relaxing against Will. He turned his head slightly, towards Will's kissing him softly.

He kissed him softly, his hand moving to Nathan's cock, closing around it and guiding it just as slow down against him.

He whimpered slightly, his cock jerking at the contact. Nathan's hands slid around to grasp Will's arms.

Will held Nathan's hips down with one hand, still guiding them slowly up and down his cock. His free hand continued to massage Nathan's cock.

The slight whimpering slowly turned into low gasps and quiet moans. His cock throbbed in Will's hand.

Will kissed his neck and hand gliding up and down his cock as he rocked in and out of between Nathan's cheeks.

Turning his face towards Will's, Nathan trembled against him. He sucked in air quickly, panting slightly.

Will rested his brow against Nathan's. He rocked into him just a bit faster, his hand stroking him even faster.

Nathan moaned low in his throat, his lips seeking Will's. He started to tense, and he dug his fingers into Will's back.

Will moaned again and his hands moved faster.

Nathan's body stiffened, and he cried out with a shuddering gasp, spilling himself over Will's hand.

Will kissed him quickly, breathing every gasp as he massaged the last bit out of him.

Sighing against Will's lips, Nathan released his death grip of Will's back. He was still making small panting noises, as Will rocked within him.

He kissed his cheek and pulled him off, resting the man in his lap.

Nathan blinked up at him, still breathing heavily. "Well," he said, his voice raw, "that was interesting..."

Will smiled softly and laid his head against his shoulder, "It's always interesting, Nathan."

"That's true," he replied, matching Will's smile. He kissed Will's forehead, "I think I need another shower..."

He grinned slightly, "Me too."

"Maybe we should do that... when I think I can stand."

Will just smiled, "Or we can lay down for a bit, and shower later."

"You know," Nathan said, kissing Will again, "that's a good idea."

Will smiled softly and laid with him against the couch, "Nathan?"

"Hmm?"

"Love you."

Nathan smiled, "I love you too." He kissed him, and hugged him, arms wrapped around Will. "Love you too..."

He tightened his arms around him.

"Think we can make it to the bed room?" Nathan asked, with a teasing grin, "the couch is slightly cramped, you know..."

"So you mentioned," he grinned back, "Don't expect me to carry you, you look like a ton of bricks."

"Thanks," he said drying, untangling himself from Will and standing. "I'm just fine. You?" he held a hand out for him.

"Just fine," he said standing, leaving his clothes on the floor as he headed to the bedroom.

Following, Nathan collapsed on the bed, pulling Will down with him. "Tired," he stated.

He fell with him and chuckled, brushing his cheek against his arm, "Take a nap or something."

"Good idea..." Nathan pulled at the blanket from the bottom of the bed. "You staying?" he asked, shifting to look down at him.

"No I was going to walk out naked as the day I was born to go hold up a starbucks," he said almost seriously. "Where would I go?"

"I dunno," Nathan said, pulling the blanket up around them both, "back to work, or something?" He twisted, and rested his head on Will's shoulder, throwing an arm over his chest.

He sighed and kissed his forehead, "I'll stay in bed. Promise."

"I'll hold you too that..." Nathan leaned up slightly, and kissed Will's neck. "You should nap too."

He smiled, "I will."

He's got his own drawer, now.

Tue, 15 Jun 2004 19:58:01 GMT

You know, I'm really enjoying waking up next to him, every morning. It's really... nice. I don't like the fact that my watch is harrassing him, though. I feel like I should have been paying more attention, or something. I should have known Amanda was going to his apartment in the first place. I guess I'm not doing my job well enough.

And I've been getting an aweful lot of hang-ups lately. I probably should let Donna know...

Will was only supposed to be gone for short time, and Nathan grew a little worried as the minutes ticked by. In an attempt to occupy himself, he set about washing vegetables for a salad. At least it kept his hands busy, while he waited.

Will came back with a bag of fresh clothes, some other small items, and more files and notes to help in this search.

"Will?" Nathan asked, as he entered the apartment. "Everything alright? You were gone for awhile."

"I had a visitor. I didn't expect to be there that long," Will sighed.

Wiping his hands on a towel, Nathan poured him some coffee. "Who?"

"Amanda." He dropped his bag in the corner and sighed. Again.

"Oh," Nathan said softly, going over to him. "What did she want?"

"To 'warn' me again." He rolled his eyes and walked over and put his arms around his waist. "Coffee?"

Nathan handed him the mug, resting easily within the circle made by Will's arms. "Are you okay?" Nathan asked.

"I'm fine. She's very... prissy." He took the mug and leaned to one side so he could drink.

"So we've noticed," Nathan said dryly. "What did she say to you?"

"She tried to push me," he shrugged, "Telling me how to do my job again. That I don't know what I'm getting into. The same speech she gave me last time."

"She's just being cautious." Nathan shifted, leaning against Will. "I'm guessing you told her off again?"

"No I told her what I told her last time. It's none of her business. I don't like her. I may have mentioned other things. And I offered her a drink and graham crackers."

"You offered her graham crackers?" Nathan asked with a grin, "And what other things?"

"I take it with my coffee when there's no toast or donuts," he shrugged. "She started to talk about you. So I said if she ever tried to shake you down for information again... well I wasn't specific."

"Will..." Nathan sighed, "You don't have to protect me, you know."

He rested his head against Nathan's shoulder. "I know."

"Not that I don't appreciate it..." He idly kissed a small spot of skin on Will's neck. "You shouldn't let her get to you, though."

"I didn't. I think she was expecting more."

Nathan laughed softly. "That's too bad. But you know that means she'll probably try again."

He smirked, "Can't suppose you know how to get her into one of her tight black numbers then, do you? I mean she's great to look at if you tune her out." He laughed, "I'm kidding."

Shaking his head, Nathan kissed him quickly. "I'm going to ignore that, because you're going to make me dinner. Right?" Nathan looked at him, making the puppy dog eyes that always managed to work on Will.

He smiled and kissed him softly, "What do you want?"

"Doesn't matter. Whatever you want," Nathan grinned.

He kissed him again, "I'll see what I can dig up."

"If you keep that up, we won't make it to dinner," Nathan said, smirking.

"I could focus on cooking!"

"Isn't that what I had asked for anyway?" Nathan extracted himself from Will's arms, giving him a little push. "I'm certainly not going to distract you."

"All you ever do is distract me," he grinned before starting to dig through the fridge.

"Only when I want something."

"Yeah but it's usually the same thing. And I don't always mind."

"I should hope not!" Nathan took at seat at the table, watching Will.

He started to pull out pots and some food from the fridge, "You do alright without me?"

"With what?" he asked, momentarily confused.

"I dunno." He smiled softly, "Sorry, seeing her today kind of startled me."

"She tends to be able to do that... Don't worry about it." The phone rang, and Nathan leaned over to grab it. "Hello?" He waited for someone to respond. "Hello?" he asked again, waiting a moment, before hanging up the phone. He shrugged, "must have been a wrong number..."

He shook his head when he thought about it, "I should have checked my answering machine while I was back there."

"I could go back with, if you want?" Nathan offered.

"Nah. I have my cell. And no one else has my phone number."

Nodding, Nathan stood to pour himself a glass of iced tea. He refilled Will's coffee mug without him asking. "You bring more clothes over?"

"Yeah. I mean you do great laundry but wearing the same two things every day kind of nags after a while." He smiled.

"Good point. I should probably empty out a drawer for you," Nathan mused.

Will chuckled, "It's fine. I can live out of my duffel."

"Yeah, but everything will get all wrinkled... Besides, where am I supposed to put everything, when I'm done with the wash?" Nathan waggled his brows, leaning over to kiss Will.

"Alright, alright," he smiled. "Dinner will be ready by the time you're done."

Grinning in victory, Nathan kissed him again, before disappearing into the bedroom, dragging Will's duffle with him.

He chuckled again, shaking his head. This whole idea of living with him growing on him more than he was willing to admit. He was spooning the sauce and sausage onto a plate.

Emerging several minutes later, Nathan looked quite pleased with himself. "Finished!" he announced. "Is dinner done?"

"As promised! It's not much but then you don't really keep a stocked fridge. You eat out of cans or what?"

"Jars and boxes. Pasta is my friend. Need me to set the table?"

"I figured, that's where I got the sauce from." He grinned. "Unless you want to eat over the counter..."

"Well, we could always watch a movie, and eat on the couch..."

"That works for me. Get your plates!"

Grabbing two plates from the cabinet, he held them out for Will to serve to. "You get the drinks, I'll pick a movie."

He spooned the sauce and bread onto the plates and handed them back, "What do you want to drink?"

"Iced tea. My glass is next to you." Nathan disappeared into the living room, "what do you want to watch?" he called out

"Don't care!" He poured two teas and went to the couch.

Nathan was flipping through his rather small selection of DVD's. "Action?" he asked, holding up The Matrix.

"Sure just not that one," he flopped down on the couch.

"Thought you didn't care?" Nathan grinned.

He smirked, "Yeah but I wanna keep my dinner down."

"It's not that bad! You pick something, then."

"It's terrible! Uh. I-Spy."

"I-Spy?" Nathan asked, making a face.

"Come on, Owen Wilson's a great actor!" He groaned, "Fine. What else you got?"

"Um, Independence Day?"

"That's fine, I've only seen it ten thousand times."

"Funny," Nathan said, scrunching up his nose. "Die Hard?"

"Oh, like that one. Wait. Which one?"

"The first one? I've got all three."

"Four. There are four. One went straight to video and won't even be shown on broadcast TV," he grinned.

Nathan shook his head. "Why you know that... Well, I've got three. Pick one. I'm hungry."

"I'm not always reading?" he grinned sheepishly. "Uh, the third one."

"Third one it is!" Nathan put the DVD in, then moved to settle on the couch, reaching for his dinner plate.

"You know I could have finished dinner in how long it took to choose a movie," he said as he grabbed his plate.

"That's because you're to damn picky," Nathan muttered, around a mouthful of food.

"I'm not picky!"

"Are we talking about the same person? Yes, you are." Nathan was grinning, "It's okay though."

"No I'm not and besides you're worse." He grinned eating his dinner.

"I am not! When have I ever been picky!"

"When are you not picky?!"

"Hey! I'm not the one that couldn't settle on a movie!"

"You were just as unsettled as me!"

"Was not!"

"Then what was wrong with I-Spy?"

"...Eh." Nathan filled his mouth with food, just so he wouldn't have to talk.

"Riiight," he grinned, finishing up his dinner, then setting the plate on the table.

Washing down the last of his dinner, Nathan shifted on the couch, to curl up next to Will. "We should watch the movie," he stated, as maturely as he could, keeping the smirk down to a bare minimum.

He pulled him over and leaned back on the couch, "Sure, before you get as bratty as me, right?"

"I never called you bratty," he stated, nuzzling Will's neck, "I called you picky. There's a difference."

"Tonight, you mean." he smiled softly.

"Have I ever called you bratty?" Nathan thought aloud. "I don't think so..."

"You called me a brat until I told you I was older," he said dryly.

"Oh, did I?" Nathan grinned, "Oops."

Will grinned in return and kissed him, "Yeah, oops."

"Well, I take it back. You're not a brat. Just incredibly picky." He leaned up to kiss him. "And you know I'm right about that."

"Selective," he bent down to kiss his neck, "Not picky."

"Right," Nathan sighed softly, "selective. What was I thinking?"

"That I was picky. So you're wrong." He laughed lightly.

Laughing, Nathan slid hands up Will's arms. "Of course I was. I'll have to remember not to make that mistake again."

Will smiled and buried his face at the nape of his neck, "And it's not a bad thing either."

"I'm not complaining," Nathan murmured softly. He sighed contentedly, curled up against Will.

"Yeah I do that too," he smiled softly, not really paying attention to the movie, trailing his hand down his neck.

"So I've noticed." Nathan leaned up, kissing Will's neck softly.

"Not a bad thing," he insisted weakly, tilting his head back.

Snickering lightly, Nathan continued a line of kisses. "'Course not."

He shivered slightly, "Are you still watching the movie?"

"Does it look like I'm still watching the movie?" he questioned, between the light kisses.

He bent down and kissed him fully, "Just making sure I'm not distracting you."

Nathan grinned into the kiss. "Oh, I think you're a welcome distraction."

He pulled at Nathan's shirt, "I am?"

"You are. I'm pretty sure sex with you, is better than a movie."

"I don't know about that. I really like this movie," he grinned, slipping his hands under his shirt.

"Oh, I can tell," Nathan sighed, lips back at Will's neck, teasing over the pulse point there. "You're paying such attention to it."

"I've seen it before," he breathed.

"Me too. Think you'd be alright missing the rest, tonight?" Nathan's voice was playful, while his hands gripped Will's shoulders letting him pull himself up to kiss up Will's neck, up to behind his ear.

"I don't know," he gasped, "I might wake up in a bad mood..."

"I'm sure," Nathan caught his earlobe between his teeth, sucking gently, "that I could knock you out of a bad mood."

His hands tightened against his waist, "I'm sure you can."

Grinning, Nathan drifted kisses along his jaw line, before kissing Will's straight on, again. "Should we move to the bed?"

"Oh yeah, I guess we should," he grinned, sitting up.

"I love my couch, but it's a little small." He tugged on Will's hand, pulling him back to the bedroom.

He chuckled and went after him. "Anything special for tonight?"

Nathan raised his eyebrows, "You really liked those cuffs, didn't you? But no, I wasn't planning anything."

He chuckled and turned him around, pulling him over and kissing him. "I didn't say that. But now that we can just have sex again, I'm perfectly fine."

I'm really a fool (Filtered Post: Donna Only)

Fri, 04 Jun 2004 21:31:16 GMT

Please tell me why I thought it'd be a good idea for Will and I to talk? These things always end bad.

And it's usually my fault.

*sigh* But I suppose there are things he needs to know... and maybe it would be better then. I mean, he's right, I've barely told him anything about me. None of the big things, and little of the small stuff.

And I want it to work. I remember when I told him, in the begining, that we'd take it one day at a time. Well, we're going to make that happen. Even if we slow it down a bit. Maybe we need that...

In the mean time, I'm going to go do laundry.

And the harder we try...

Fri, 28 May 2004 01:52:01 GMT

I went over there last night to talk to him, because I missed him, and I suppose we worked stuff out. After we finished yelling at each other, the rest of the evening went rather well. Better than it's been in a long time.

Nathan was attempting to learn better, and had called before just showing up. He was hoping Will wouldn't have the gun out again. Not that he thought Will would use it, but the damn thing made him nervous anyway. Sighing slightly, he knocked.

Will looked up from where he had been lounging. He had his gun within arm's reach and took it as he opened the door. He wasn't being too careful now. "Oh.. Hey Nathan," Will let him in as he set the gun back down.

"Hey Will," Nathan eyed the gun nervously for a moment. "You know, you don't really need that... I'm pretty certain Pierson isn't going to come after you."

"Nathan.. I've been answering the door like this for a while now." Will shook his head and sat back down.

"I know. You don't your being a little paranoid?" Nathan asked, sitting next to him.

"... Paranoid?" He just stared at him, "You're kidding me, right?"

"Um, no? Yes?" Nathan sighed, and closed his eyes. God, he needed Donna to hit him.

Will shook his head, "I swear to god, Nathan, if I didn't know you better..." He stood up and headed to the kitchen, "You want anything to drink?"

"Sure," Nathan mumbled, leaning his head back. "God, when did I become such an idiot," he said, under his breath.

"Water or what?" he called from the kitchen.

"Whatever," Nathan called back. "I'm not to particular, these days."

He poured him a glass and walked over, "Here." He had a mug of coffee for himself.

"Thanks," he cradled the cup in his hands, before taking a sip.

He sighed, "What are you doing here, Nathan?"

"I wanted to see you?" Nathan said, blinking up at him. "I feel like an idiot, you know."

Will mumbled, "Can't imagine why."

"I told Donna I was going to give her an idiot stick to hit me with, whenever I got stupid. But she hasn't been around to keep me in check."

"She's got her own problems right now."

"Oh, I know," Nathan sighed. "She showed up, the other night, trashed. Wasn't pretty."

He sighed, "Poor Donna."

"Yeah," Nathan agreed, vaguely wishing she was there. He had no idea what to really say to Will.

He looked over at Nathan before turning away again, "Nathan.. I'm not great company tonight."

Nathan looked at him, eyes heavy. "Will... I'm sorry. I should go." He stood to put away his glass.

Will didn't bother to look up, "..Why did you come over? Really?"

"Because I fucked up. Again. And I was hoping there was some chance of fixing it... And I miss you." Nathan stumbled over the last sentence, trying to keep his voice from breaking.

"Why did you tell her Nathan?" Will's voice was low.

"I didn't!" Nathan exclaimed. "I didn't say anything more than what I told you I said."

"How could following up talk of killing me with how much I hate them even sound like a good idea?!"

"I didn't say you hated them! I said you had 'issues'! And I didn't mean too. It just kinda slipped out." Nathan's voice dropped, and he hung his head low.

"Oh that's a big difference," Will almost snapped. He reeled in his frustration though, and forced himself quiet.

"I don't think they're planning on doing anything though," Nathan offered quietly. He was staring at the back of Will's head.

"Funny, that doesn't help.."

"Look, Will... I was cornered, she threatened you life, I panicked. I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say."

"Usually the first sign not to say anything like that," he grumbled.

"But that would denote common sense, and we've already decieded I lack that," Nathan said in a light tone, hoping to coax Will into a less upset tone.

"Can't argue with you there," Will let out a breath.

"Most people don't," Nathan kept his voice dry. "Still want me to leave?" he asked.

Will mumbled, "I didn't say I wanted you to leave.."

"Oh." The word was let out softly. Nathan moved back around, standing near the side of the couch. He was hesitant to say anything else, or to touch him.

"I can't trust you," he finally spoke up, "I want to. I really want to."

"Ah..." Nathan blinked, fighting back tears. "I guess... I mean... I'm going to go," he finally managed.

"Nathan..! I don't..." Will trailed off and dropped his head again, "Don't leave."

Nathan stopped, his back to Will. "No, it's better this way. Really." He sounded unconvinced, and Nathan had to wipe his eyes.

"How is this better!?"

"At least this way I won't be constantly hurting you," Nathan said softly.

He clenched his fists, "Whatever. Why the hell did I always take you back..." Will stood up and stormed to his room, slamming the door behind him.

"Shit." Taking a deep breath, Nathan walked to Will door, knocking. "Will? Let me in..." His hands were shaking.

He screamed at him through the door, "No, you're leaving, remember?!"

"Will!" Nathan banged on the door louder. "Let me in!"

He threw open the door and glared, "WHAT!?"

Nathan took a deep breath. "You're the one that said you couldn't trust me. You can't have a relationship without trust. Do you think I WANT to end this? I love you, you idiot!" Nathan voice had steadily risen by the end of his little speech.

"What do you expect?! You're the one who gave me the speech about how you don't know me! And I fucking let you in and you turn around on me!"

"I didn't!" he exclaimed. "I haven't, nor will I ever, tell anybody what you told me. Whatever I told Amanda was non-specific. What, do you think I'd go and tell her your whole life story?"

"I don't care if it was 'specific' Nathan," Will growled.

"Do you see? This is what happens to us." Nathan tried to lower his voice. "I love you. But I've fucked up to many times for us to fix it. To even start, you'd have to forgive me first. And you don't."

"Every time we go through this, you say, 'I'm sorry but that's how it is.' Then if I don't fucking flip over that minute you walk out!"

"That's not true, and you're not being fair." Nathan took a deep breath, and leaned against the doorway.

"How?"

"The only time I've walked out was when you wouldn't talk to me. I've offered myself in attempts to fix us more than once. I don't know what you want from me!"

"I want.. I don't know what I want. I want to be fucking happy with you. But every time I think we're okay... you're right. Maybe it is too late."

"I don't want it to be," Nathan said softly, looking up at him. "I want the same thing as you. We were happy once, even if it seems a long way off."

"I don't want you to leave," he mumbled.

"I don't want to leave either." Nathan held out a hand to him, hoping he'd take it.

He squeezed Nathan's hand before going back to sit on his bed.

Nathan smiled softly, watching him. "Now what?" he asked.

"I don't know," Will shrugged, sounding weakened by it all.

"Me either. Maybe we should do something normal? Try to get past this?"

Will nodded.

"You're a big help," Nathan teased.

"I'm lazy," Will gave a small smile.

"So I've noticed. We could watch a movie?" Nathan offered.

"...I kind of want to stay in tonight."

"Okay... we could order take out and stay here?"

"Sounds better," he nodded.

"Good," Nathan agreed. "Come," he offered him a hand, "lets go pick something. Maybe we can salvage tonight after all."

He reached out and took his hand with only the slightest hesitation.

Nathan squeezed his fingers, mirroring the gesture from earlier. "We'll make this work, Will."

Will smiled softly, "...that's good enough."

And then... Then we were both wakened by something at the door. God damn. That poor girl.

Will rolled over in bed, arm stretching over Nathan's shoulders. It was too early in the morning, dawn hadn't even broken yet. He was half awake anyway, though less than coherent and more than bleary eyed.

Nathan shifted, feeling Will move beside him. "Will?" he croaked out, his voice hoarse with sleep.

"Yeah.." he mumbled.

"Something wrong?" Nathan asked, turning to look at him. He blinked in the dark.

"No, go to sleep."

"Are you sure?" he yawned.

"Yes, I can't get back to sleep if you keep moving," he started to say before bolting up in bed, suddenly very awake.

"What? What's wrong?" Nathan sat up on his elbows, looking at Will, alarmed.

"Did you hear something?" he swiped the DE off of the nightstand and checked it for rounds.

"No..."

Will slid out of bed, feeling around for a pair of pants before throwing them on. "I'm going to look." He walked to the door very slowly.

"Let me come with you." Nathan reached for his own clothes, and moved to him.

Will checked the peephole, and took the knob when he saw the hall empty. Taking a small breath, he threw open the door. No one there... until he looked down, "Oh my god..."

"What-- oh..." Nathan eyes were wide. "Will? Is she..?"

He dropped his gun aside and knelt down, very carefully picking up the girl into his arms, "Meghan..? MEGHAN!!"

Nathan was at Will's side, his hand on his shoulder. "Will! Calm down," he said with the detached air of someone not involved. "Let me see..."

"Calm down?! Meghan was a friend of mine."

"I know, Will," his voice was soothing. "But you can't do anything hysterical."

He shifted the girl in his arms, as if trying to comfort just a little to counter the inhuman beating and the bullet wound in the head, "What do you expect me to do..."

Nathan stood, "Let me go call somebody." He eyed Will, worried, the grabbed the phone, quickly dialing Joe's number.

The cell phone went off on the nightstand next to Joe's side of the bed, the sound startling the Watcher awake. Disoriented, he reached out for it, fumbling it open.

"Whoever this is better have a good reason for calling me at this hour," Joe grumbled. Beside him, Donna stirred, leaning closer to him.

"Joe?" Nathan said, into the phone, "I'm sorry it's so early, but umm... We've got a problem."

"Problem? What problem?" He sat up in the bed, instantly concerned. "What happened?"

"You know the new watcher? Meghan something? She just turned up dead at Will's doorstep." Nathan moved back to Will, keeping contact with him.

"Shit." Joe rubbed his eyes with his free hand. "I'm sure I don't want to know, but how did she die?"

"I'm going to find out who did this," he mumbled to himself. "I don't even know where to find her family..."

"Bullet wound to the head. I can't tell anything more than that. Maybe Donna..." Nathan rubbed Will's back.

"Hold on a minute, I'll wake her." Joe shook the sleeping woman beside him awake, watching her eyes flutter open. "Donna, honey, its Nathan. He needs to talk to you."

"Nathan?" Donna yawned, reaching for the phone. "Let me talk to him.... Nathan, you there?"

"Donna," he breathed. "Donna, I think we need you, over here... We've got a dead Watcher here. She was a friend of Will's..."

"Wait, wait, wait, dead Watcher?" Donna shook her head as if to clear it, looking over at Joe for reassurance. "Yeah, I can head over there, just give me directions and a few minutes to change."

Will started to look through the folds of her clothing for a notebook or a recorder or anything that would tell him where she was last.

"Alright." Nathan gave her directions, and then hung up the phone. He moved back over to Will, watching him.

He pulled a small note, scrawled in some long dead language he had no hope of deciphering, only being able to read the name, 'REMUS' at the very top. Will paused momentarily before crumpling it in his hands and shoving it into his pocket.

"Will?" Nathan asked, "What was that?"

"Nothing," he mumbled out.

Nathan frowned, but didn't say anything. "Come here, Will. You can't do anything now. Lets wait for Donna."

"I know that," he mumbled, he pulled her into his apartment and kicked the door closed, not realizing how incriminating the scene might have looked. He laid Meghan out on his floor and watched over her.

Donna sped over to Will's place, the urgency in Nathan's voice instantly waking her. She didn't know what she'd find once she got there, but she knew where she was needed, and for once she knew she could help.

From the passenger seat, Joe looked over at his girlfriend, worried. "This is bad, Donna. Really bad."

"It always is," Donna answered, gripping the steering wheel as she pulled into the driveway. "It always is."

Nathan pulled Will over to the table, and sat him down. "Lets wait here. I'll make coffee." He brushed a kiss against Will's cheek, before starting.

Will nodded quietly and looked over at the body, wincing before turning away.

Donna hurried up to Will's apartment, Joe a few steps behind. Knocking twice on the door, she called, "Nathan? Will? It's Donna and Joe."

Nathan jumped up, and opened the door. "Thank god you guys are here..." He ushered them in.

"It's okay, Nathan." The cop in Donna took over instantly. "I saw the bloodstains outside, you guys moved the body? Where is it now?"

Joe shook his head, "And I want to know why she ended up here, Will, if you know. This is so out of left field..."

"Right here," he gestured.

Will didn't bother looking up at either of them, keeping his face in his hands, "How, the fuck, would I know, Joe? She was my friend, but she's never been here."

He let out a soft exasperated laugh, "Except now anyway."

Joe held his free hand up in protest while Donna went over to the body. "Hey, I was just asking, okay? No need to snap at me." He sighed. "You okay?"

Nathan moved behind him, not saying a word, just resting his hands on his shoulders, lightly massaging. He looked at Donna, worried.

"...No, I'm not okay," Will grumbled.

Donna pulled on a glove and started sifting through the girl's pockets, looking for identification, anything that could give her any idea about what happened. She looked up at Nathan, "When did you guys find her?"

"Right before I called you. Will heard a nose, and we went out to look..."

She closed her eyes. "She wasn't killed here. Someone left her here for you two to find." Donna walked slowly around the body, taking in the scene.

"I wish you guys hadn't moved her... I could have found out more otherwise."

Joe looked over at Donna. "What can you tell?"

Will let his eyes slide over, "Donna, someone killed her, and dropped her off. I heard the thud. Unfortunately, my door's the only place that I don't got cameras."

He sank in his chair, "I told her I'd take care of her."

Donna looked up at Will and smiled a little, trying to reassure him. "I'm not blaming you, Will, not at all. There was nothing you could have done." She looked back down at the body. "What was her name?"

"Meghan MacDonald. A recent transfer from London."

Nathan rested his cheek against Will's hair, his fingers tightening slightly.

"A widow too. I.. gotta call London. Find her family."

"Will... maybe we should let the Watchers do that?"

"I can do it in the morning, if you'd like." Donna sighed.

"Did you guys find anything, anything at all on her that might have some meaning? I mean... I have another case where a body was dumped, and if they're related..."

"I'll see what I can do about that," Joe offered, wishing he could have known about the girl earlier.

He shook his head, "She was my friend, I'll do it."

"Only if you're sure..." Joe let his voice trail off.

"Donna," Nathan asked, "What do we do now?"

"Ideally? Call the cops, let them handle it." She sighed. "But I know that's not what you want or need, and they'll be asking a lot of questions you won't want to answer."

Donna looked up, meeting Nathan's gaze. "I'll handle the case if you want... I think it might be related to my other case I've got right now, but I can't be sure. I want find out for myself."

"That's probably best."

"That means I'm gonna have to call so they can take care of her." Donna gestured to Meghan's body. "I'll try to deflect what questions I can..."

"I know Donna will take care of it, and I'll do what I can as well," Joe added.

"...Where's Pierson?" Will's voice was raspy as he spoke up.

"I dunno. Probably sleeping, in his apartment or with someone, who knows." Joe shrugged. "Why do you ask?"

Will shook his head, "Where does he live, Joe?"

Joe narrowed his eyes. "Why do you want to know, Will?"

He looked right at him, "You can tell me, or I can find out myself. I'll behave."

Joe met Will's gaze, unflinching. "If you're holding something out on us, Will, now's not the time to do it. And just to let you know, you're not one of Adam's favorite people right now--"

"Joe... Just tell him." Nathan eyed Will, and then nodded to Joe.

"Lay off him, Joe," Donna said from Meghan's body. "Let Will go. They're both big boys. They can take care of themselves."

Joe snorted, gripping his cane, and begrudgedly told Will Adam's address. "I don't like this," he said as he finished.

"Will? Can I go with you?" Nathan asked, not wanting to leave him alone.

"I don't give a damn what Pierson thinks of me." Will stood up, "But if you think ... never mind. I'm going."

"Nobody's going to stop you, Will. Let me come?" Nathan asked, a hand on his arm

"Will... I want you to be careful." Joe's voice was stern. "We don't need any more trouble, especially not now."

"Maybe Nathan should go with you," Donna suggested. "I can take care of things here."

"Just as long as I can get a hold of you in the morning," she added.

"Of course, Donna," Nathan nodded.

"No, Nathan's staying here."

"Will..." Nathan's tone was worried.

Donna shrugged helplessly, and turned back to examining Meghan's body.

"I said I'll behave."

"I'm not worried about that. I just don't want to leave you alone..."

Will sighed, "I'll come back."

"You'll stay safe, right?" Nathan asked, with a small half smile.

He nodded, "Right."

Nathan sighed. "Alright. Go get dressed. I'll stay here."

"That's all I'm concerned about." Donna sighed. "Nathan, if you're staying here, can you please tell me what the hell is going on? The more I hear the more I'm confused."

"Of course Donna. I'll catch you all up on everything."

"Good, I think I'll need to know everything." Donna smiled at Nathan gratefully.

"Well, since you two are staying, Donna, do you want me to stay too?" Joe asked Donna, looking over at her.

Donna shook her head. "Go home, get some sleep. I can get a ride back to the apartment later."

"I'll bring you home, Donna. Or something..." Nathan shook his head, sitting down.

Will ran out of his room, dressed and armed. "I'll be back when I can," he called behind him.

"Be safe!" Nathan yelled out, watching him leave.

Joe winced as Will drove off, but said nothing.

"Well, Donna, I'll catch up with you later, then," Joe finally said, pressing a kiss to Donna's forehead. "Be safe, the both of you."

"We will, I promise." Donna squeezed Joe's hand before the older Watcher left the apartment, throwing Nathan a small wave before leaving.

Nathan turned to Donna. "I guess it's just you and I. Want some coffee?" he asked.

Donna smiled softly in spite of the situation. "Coffee sounds great. Should I call the cops now or wait until after you're finished telling me what's happened?"

And Will's been gone since. Donna and I took care of everything, and all I can do now is wait for Will to call me. But I've got the feeling he's going to be busy the next couple of days.

Tue, 25 May 2004 20:03:48 GMT

Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it. Everytime I think things might be getting better, I go and screw it up again.

I blame Amanda. This isn't my fault.

Will was sitting at his desk, reading the translations for one of Marconus' Chronicle, "I don't think he's in this one either."

Matt shook his head. "This is just pointless. Pierson, or whoever he is, didn't have a watcher. He's got to know we know by now Will."

"Probably. Why the hell hasn't he been taken off of the local database anyway?"

"Oversight? Or maybe the fact that he helped develop the damn thing?" Matt tossed the file he'd been looking at aside. "Maybe whoever let him mess with the records let him stay connected. Who knows."

"Rhetorical question, Matt." He took off his glasses to give his eyes a rest. "I haven't gotten any new flames since last night. Maybe that's a good sign."

"Or maybe he's just getting together a nice little arsenal, maybe some friends." Matt sighed. "We should have listened..."

"I might have if he wasn't such a prick," Will said blandly, "And I did start only to help you out."

"I know, I know, I'm sorry I got you into this Will."

Nathan paused at Will's door, hearing voices inside. Matt, it sounded like. With a sigh, he knocked.

"Expecting someone?" Matt asked.

"Eh it's fine. I'm just saying." He looked up, "Not really no. They really wouldn't knock before trying to kill us, would they?" He took his gun from his desk and headed to the door, looking through the peephole.

"Pierson might, he's that much of an ass..." Matt reached for his own gun.

He let out a breath and opened the door, "Nathan, I'm a little jumpy, can you call ahead next time?"

Matt sighed and went back to looking through the records nearby. "Hey Nathan."

"Oh, yeah." He eyed the gun. "You weren't planning on shooting me this time, were you? Hey Matt," Nathan nodded to the other man.

"Hey, I haven't shot you yet.” Will stood aside so Nathan could come in.

"Yeah, I've noticed." He walked into the room, eyeing the work spread out. "You guys still working on those files?"

"Sort of." Matt muttered.

"I don't feel like going out tonight," Will said casually as he sat back down, assuming that was why he had come by.

"I wasn't going to ask, actually," Nathan said, his voice a little nervous. He was moving around the apartment, not able to stand still.

He just glanced at him curiously, "Then.. did you actually come by for something?"

Matt looked up. "I can go..."

Will shrugged, "It's not a big deal."

"I don't know if you really need to Matt... I suppose you both should hear this." Nathan let out a gust of air. "I spoke to Amanda today."

"Amanda... as in the immortal my psycho of an assignment is so friendly with these days?" Matt asked.

"I. Spoke. To?" He blinked.

"Uh, yeah... that's be the one. Yes Will. Spoke too. As in, exchanged words. She even bought me lunch... though I didn't eat much," he muttered.

"Why the hell would you do that?"

"Because, it's safer just to listen to her when she talks."

"He does stuff like that," Will mumbled.

"Right, great. Just great." Matt shook his head and looked back at the records.

Nathan shook his head. "Wait, it gets better. She wanted a reason not to kill you, Will." He paused for a moment. "What the hell did you guys find!?"

"Wait a minute, she talked to you about killing us? Nathan! What did you tell her?!"

"Two psychos! Wonderful! Perfect!"

"She wanted a reason to know that whatever you both found would be safe. I told her it was." He shuffled his feet.

Will narrowed his eyes, "Nathan, what are you leaving out?"

"Um, nothing?"

"NATHAN!"

Matt shook his head. "Oh yeah, I'm going straight to the press with this one. Millennia-old madman teaches history at local college. Straight out of the New York Times right?" Matt rolled his eyes

"Don't yell at me!" Nathan exclaimed, falling into a chair. "You try being put on the spot by an immortal threatening someone you love!"

"Here's a newsflash, Nathan, I've been there!!" Will snarled.

Nathan took a deep breath. "I'm not fighting over this."

"Nathan.." he said again slowly, "What did you tell her exactly.."

"We should just lock all of this back up and throw away the key Will." Matt muttered. "They were right, I didn't need to know any of this."

"I told her that you were a good guy." He turned his head, voice dropping a little. "And I may have mentioned something about you being angry and having some issues with Immortals."

He stepped aside and nearly pulled out his hair, "Oh my god Nathan... I can't tell you anything!"

"And then she called you a hypocrite," Nathan finished, looking at his hands.

Matt blinked. "What the hell did she mean by that?"

"Apparently she knows about the last fight, and how I pulled out Will's file. And she compared it to what you're both doing now," Nathan answered.

"Yeah but I'm not sleeping with Pierson," Will spat.

"I don't think that was her point, Will." Nathan looked up at him balefully. "Did you really have to release Pierson's files?"

"Processed it just like everyone else's..." Will huffed.

"Do you know what he did Nathan?" Matt asked.

"No, Matt, and I don't want to."

"I can't believe you told her..." Will was grumbling to himself.

"We've got to find a way to lock those files Will." Matt said, standing up.

"You should just drop it, guys." Nathan sounded worried.

He shrugged, "I could send them back to Central but considering the recall and everything god only knows if it'll ever get there. Besides, thanks to Nathan here, I know I'm as good as dead anyway."

"We could just hand over what we've got to Pierson...?" Matt suggested lamely.

"He might hate you less then..."

Will shrugged, "It's your assignment, Matt. It's your call. I'll tell Central to stop sending me the files."

"I doubt there's much left to send..." Matt mumbled, looking around. "Listen, we'll give him what we've worked through, he doesn't know we've got the rest... and those are mostly well after the fall of Egypt, right?"

He nodded, "Right. They were the tail end stuff. Amy doesn't seem as ready to kill us for reading them anymore. But what do we do with the damn things then? Sit on them?"

Matt shrugged. "I dunno, look at 'em, if there's any mention of this stuff we hand 'em over, otherwise we'll figure it out when we come to it."

"So we'd basically be doing the same thing and just processing them when we're through? I can live with that."

"Yeah, yeah just y'know, leaving out the stuff that's likely to get us killed." Matt nodded and sighed.

Nathan sighed in relief, glad to hear some sense.

"I think by now, I'm topping their shitlist anyway," Will groaned, "I don't .. freakin' believe this..."

"I'll talk to Pierson..." Matt said nervously. "He's my assignment, this is my fault, if he kills me tell Dana it's not worth going after him for."

"Don't talk like that. A pissed off Dana scares the hell out of me."

"I don't think they're going to kill you, Matt."

"I dunno, maybe they're too used to dealing with folks who can get back up after a shot to the gut." Matt shrugged. "My responsibility anyhow."

"I'd go with you but I don't think the'd be all that happy to see us both. Take Nathan. He seems to be their 'buddy.'"

Nathan glared at Will. "Not fair, Will."

"I'll go alone." Matt said, gathering up the offending files.

"You aren't playing fair, Nathan," he glared back. Will packed up the completed files, tossing them in a box and handing them to Matt.

"This isn't my fault!" Nathan said.

"I wouldn't exactly say no to Amanda myself Will... and Pierson's cornered me before... let's just hope we can put all this behind us." He took the box and pulled on his coat.

"Right," Will sank into the couch, covering his face with his hand, "Tell me how it goes."

"If I'm alive I'll make sure to call you."

"Damn positive."

"I'll go too, then?" Nathan half asked.

Only so much I can do...

Thu, 20 May 2004 01:18:12 GMT

I went out to dinner with Will last night. I had to drag him out, but out he went. And it was good. At least, I think it was. I saw a bunch of family photos he had out and he actally talked about them! I was pretty surprised.

But then, almost right after Will and I parted ways, Donna ended up almost passing out infront of my door. *sigh* I love her, I really go, but I'm getting close to hitting her over the head.

Every step Donna took seemed to be longer than the last as she stumbled up the stairs to Nathan's apartment. She knew she had the key to the apartment on her keyring, only she couldn't remember which one. Reaching the door, she slumped against it, holding her keys up to the light, trying to see which was which.

Nathan was still awake, having only gotten home himself. He was sitting at the table drinking a glass of soda when he heard a loud thump against his door. Curious, he went to open it.

"Stupid fucking... ugh," Donna muttered under her breath. "Maybe it's this one..." She tried to open the door with the key, only to find Nathan opening it for her. Stumbling, she fell forward without the door to support her.

"Whoa!" Nathan exclaimed, catching her in his arms. "Donna? You okay?" She reeked of beer and looked terrible.

"Hey, Nathan, how're ya doing?" She tried to stand up, only to collapse again. "I'll be fine in a little while... Can't go home so I came here..."

"Donna, you're drunk." He shook his head, before picking her up to carry her to the couch. "What happened, hon?"

"What happened is what didn't happen. He's being a prick, Nathan, and God forbid he should ever do something with me." She rested against him for a moment for looking back up, "And I'm not drunk. I haven't had enough to get really really drunk..."

"Mmhmm. How much did you drink?"

Donna tried to count on her fingers. "Six, seven beers... maybe some shots of something or other too... I found this bar that's not Joe's and nobody even tried to stop me..."

"Oh Donna. You should have called me. You know you shouldn't be drinking." He made sure she was settled, before getting up to pour her a glass of water. "Here, drink this."

"You were busy." Donna pouted a bit, like a small child, but she accepted the glass of water without spilling it. "And I'll decide when I can or cannot go drinking. I'm a big girl, Nathan, a big girl."

"Yes you are, Donna. I know that. But," he sat back down and pulled her against him, "we both also know that drinking doesn't solve anything."

"But it makes me forget. And I want to forget, Nathan, I want to forget..." She leaned against him. "I don't want it to hurt anymore. And he wouldn't come with me so I just went by myself."

"You forget for a little while, but then you remember everything later." He hugged her. "And then you end up with a hangover. Did you tell Joe how you feel yet, Donna?"

"Why would I do something stupid like that? He doesn't even know I'm there, Nathan. He just sits around and wallows in his self pity and when I suggest a distraction for him, for both of us he won't take me up on it. Why? Because it's me who suggested it. Because no matter what I give him it's never enough." A tear streaked down her cheek. "I just wanted to be good enough. And everyday I sit there and try to help him, and nothing works..."

"Oh Donna... Of course you're good enough. You're amazing. Joe's just... not himself right now. It's going to take some time, honey. It always does." He wiped away the tear, and held her close.

"I'm not amazing. I'm just here... and it hurts so much to be his girlfriend and his mother at the same time..." Donna buried her face into Nathan's chest. "I don't know how much time I can give him. It's like he doesn't even want to move past this."

"You are amazing. I know it's hard. Maybe we should kick him."

"Yes, kick him hard. And then let Will bodycheck him. He said he would."

Nathan chuckled softly. "And I've got no doubt he would either." He hugged Donna. "Drink your water," he prompted.

She made a face. "Yes Daddy." Her hands were shaking as she took a sip. "Nathan, why do I always end up back here, with you? Every time I fuck up you're always there..."

"Because I'm your friend and I love you. Because you're like me and need to be loved. I'll take care of you, Donna, just like I know you'd take care of me."

"You love me and I love you..." Donna shook her head as if to clear it. "I can't do this alone, Nathan. I was never good at being alone..."

"Me either," Nathan smiled. "And you're not. Look, I'm here. Joe will be too. I'll talk to him to for you. It'll work out."

"You sure about that... all of that?"

"I'm postive."

Donna hugged him tightly. "I love you, Nathan..."

"I love you too, Donna." He wrapped his arms around her, and rested his chin on her head. "It'll all be alright in the end."

"I hope so, you don't know how much I hope so." She rested her head against his chest, as if doing so would stop her pounding headache. "I should head home... I didn't tell Joe when I'd be back, or where I was going and if he had a half a conscience he'd be worried..."

"No, you're staying here. You reek of beer, and you're still not compeltely sober. I'll call Joe for you. Let me go tuck you into bed."

"Sober is highly overrated, but that bed sounds so nice..." Donna looked up at Nathan, "You sure you want to call Joe?"

"Yeah, it'll be fine. Come on." He scooped her up in his arms, "It's a good thing I've been going to the gym," he said, grinning down at her.

She giggled, "I didn't know carrying me around was such a workout." She kissed his cheek as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Nathan, you're the best friend a girl could have..."

"I try," he grinned. "Here," he layed her down and took off her shoes, "you go to sleep. I'll be in in a mintute."

"Okay." Donna yawned. "You're not gonna leave me alone, right?"

"Of course not. I'll be right back. You close your eyes."

"Mmm hmm...." Her eyes drifted closed as she buried her head into the pillow.

Nathan watched for a moment, shaking his head. Then he walked back into the kitchen, and picked up the phone, dailing the number to Donna's place.

Hearing the phone ring, Joe jumped to answer it, having been up all night wrestling with his conscience. "Donna, is that you?" he asked, his voice a little strained.

"Joe? No, it's Nathan. Sorry to be calling so late."

"Nathan, hey." Joe sat back against the bed. "Nah, don't worry about it, I was awake anyway. What's up?"

"I wanted to let you know that Donna's over here, so you wouldn't be worried."

"Donna's with you? How did she end up over there? Is she all right?"

"She walked, luckily. She's fine, if a little drunk." Nathan sighed into the phone. "You guys had a fight?"

Joe massaged his temples gently, relieved to know that Donna wasn't out driving. "Yeah, you could say that. She didn't tell me where she was taking off to..."

"I don't think she really knew until she ended up at a bar. She's okay, though. Sleeping now."

"Jesus, I should have known that's where she'd go... Thanks for taking care of her, Nathan, I appreciate it. Just... why did she end up at your place?"

Nathan shrugged, then remembered Joe couldn't see him. "We're friends. I've been taking care of her when she's upset..."

"Oh." Joe paused for a moment. "Well, as long as she's okay... can you do me a favor, Nathan?"

"Sure, Joe."

"When she wakes up, tell her I want her to come home, all right? Just... let her know I want to talk." Joe sighed into the phone. "Take good care of her, Nathan. At least she trusts you to do that."

"I will Joe, on both accounts. Don't expect her till morning, though. She's out pretty hard."

"That's okay. I'd rather she was safe with you than trying to stumble her way back here. Nathan... thanks." Joe paused. "I'll let you go, thanks for the call.:

"Sure. Try to sleep Joe. G'night."

"Night, Nathan."

Nathan hung up the phone, sighing again. Walking back to the bedroom, he stripped down and pulled on a pair of sweatpants before climbing into the bed next to the sleeping Donna.

Donna moaned a little in her sleep, reaching out instinctively for Nathan. Finding him next to her, she rested her head on his chest.

He wrapped his arms around her, quietly shush her, then closed his eyes, falling asleep besides her.

The coffee pot burbled happily in the corner, as Nathan thumbed through the morning paper. Donna had been still sleeping when he woke up, and he hadn't wanted to wake her.

Yawning, Donna stumbled out of Nathan's bedroom, having woken to the smell of freshly brewed coffee. Completely unaware of what time it was, she made her way through the apartment, clutching her head in her hands. "Nathan? Nathan, you still here?"

"Of course I am, Donna. Here." He sat her down and handed her both, a glass of water, and a mug of coffee. "How's the head?"

"Absolutely killing me." Donna accepted both drinks gratefully. "But then again, I think that's how hangovers usually go, isn't it?"

"Usually." He sat back down, across from her. "I called Joe last night."

"You did?" She looked up from her coffee, surprised. "Funny... I don't really remember that part..."

She sipped the coffee slowly. "What did you say to him?"

"I let him know you were over here." He eyed her over his coffee mug, "You haven't told him you come here when you're upset?"

Donna shrugged, biting her bottom lip. "It never came up, and he never asked."

"Well, I've got the feeling he's going to ask now. He's worried about you, you know. He loves you."

"Maybe." She traced the rim of her coffee cup absentmindedly. "Didn't feel like he loved me last night. I didn't know it was so easy for him to blow me off... and I don't care if he asks about us. There's nothing for him to be jealous of anyway."

She looked up, "It's not like we're sleeping together or something crazy. He knows I wouldn't do that to him."

"Of course he knows that. That still doesn't mean that it doesn't bother him." Nathan got up to poor himself another cup of coffee. "I think he might be a little upset you didn't talk to him."

It took a moment for Donna to answer. "I don't want him worrying about me, Nathan," she admitted quietly. "I'd rather keep everything inside than burden him with it... he needs to worry about himself, concentrating on getting past what happened, and Joe can't even do that."

"Yeah, but Donna, you guys are in a relationship." He stressed the last word, taking the chair next to her. "It's not a one man show. You both need each other. You can't do it alone."

"I'm trying to be there for him, Nathan. I am, and I have been." She sighed, closing her eyes. "I hate confrontation. And that's what it's going to turn into, confrontation. I was never good at handling this sort of thing."

He shook his head, "you're missing the point. What about him being there for you? Only, he can't do that unless you talk to him."

"Is it bad that I'm used to doing everything by myself?" Donna glanced over at Nathan, looking for reassurance. "I trust him, I do. And I'm trying to break down that wall of resistance I built up around myself when Jeremy left me..."

"It's okay, you can be independent and still rely on someone. You've just to got to remember to talk to Joe." He reached over and hugged her with one arm.

Hugging him back, Donna said, "I will, Nathan, I promise. But not until this headache goes away... Next time I have to remember not to go drinking by myself, it always ends bad."

"Just come here, next time. I've got chocolate. It's better than beer." He grinned at her.

"Really? I thought you just had ice cream."

"I've got that too. But the ice cream's for me, the chocolate's for you.

"Oh, so you have a secret stash of chocolate just for when I feel like getting drunk? Nathan, I could have used something like that so much earlier." Donna smiled softly.

"I didn't think you go out by yourself!" Nathan exclaimed.

"Only when I'm upset, honest! I used to be a hell of a lot worse."

"Good lord," he grinned, "I'm glad I didn't see that."

She quieted a bit. "Trust me. Last night... wasn't bad. At least I was slightly coherent. It's when I'm totally trashed that someone has to stop me from doing something stupid." She laid her hand on Nathan's arm. "I don't think anyone will let me get that bad again.'

Nathan smiled softly, and caught her fingers with his. "I know I won't."

Donna squeezed back, matching his smile. "And I won't let you."

"It's a deal, then." He hugged her again. "Feel any better?"

Returning the embrace, she whispered, "Yeah, I do." She giggled, "Well, except for the headache."

Nathan chuckled. "Want some asprin?"

"That sounds like heaven." Donna smiled back gratefully at him.

He stood to get some, refilling her water glass at the same time. A few moments later, Nathan was back, offereing her both.

"Thanks." She accepted them gratefully, swallowing the pills with a sip of water. "You take such good care of me, I swear."

The gaping hole isn't quite so large anymore.

Sat, 15 May 2004 01:07:03 GMT

So, it appears Will and I are back on speaking terms. And this is a good thing. I have to give Donna an 'idiot stick' so that everytime I'm being one, she can beat me with it in hopes that I'll be less stupid.

Will came out of the gambling parlor dressed as well as any other of its patrons. He managed to bug the tables as well as choice places at the bar to catch anything he wouldn't have heard on his own. He leaned up against the outerwall, feigning a need for some fresh air.

From down the street, Nathan caught a glimpse of Will outside. His feet slowed in their pace, and Nathan sighed. He really didn't want to be doing this tonight.

Will started down the street, diving down an alleyway, leading Nathan once he saw him.

Nathan shook his head, then followed.

Will lingered near a side entrance. "Nathan.."

"Will." Nathan walked up to him.

He nodded to the door, "I got bugs running. And Joe's taps got their outing earlier."

"Right. Only way to do it."

Will frowned, "Nathan. We have to manage to talk this time without you repeating everything I say."

Nathan sighed. "Do I have to?" he half whined, falling back into a childish mood.

Will glared, "No, you don't."

He took at deep breath, "I'm sorry Will. I'm not being very mature about this. Lets go talk."

"You think?" Will rolled his eyes.

"Not usually," Nathan responded, not looking at Will.

"So I hear," Will grumbled, "You have my file?"

Nathan produced it from inside his coat. "Yeah, here."

He took the folder from him and looked through it again, "What did you think?"

"About what?" Nathan was caught off guard, and he blinked at him.

"The file. You read it."

"Uh, yeah, I did." Nathan still looked confused, unsure of what to do or say.

"What.. did you think of it..." Will repeated slowly.

"I think... I think you went through a lot of shit in your life. I think I understand why you're so quiet all the time. I think I know why you don't actually follow O'Brady around all the time, and just watch him through taps instead." He stopped, and turned away. "Want me to keep going?"

"That wasn't what I was really referring to so yeah."

"Then what do you want from me, Will? I don't know what you say to you! I don't know what you want!" Nathan voice was raised, fists tight in frustration.

"Do you have any idea now why I didn't tell you? Why I didn't want anyone to know what happened?!"

"But it's part of who you are, Will! Not telling anybody doesn't change that!

"That's exactly it, Nathan, and I'm not proud of it!" Will took a breath and leaned heavily against the wall, "Not proud of it at all."

I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of. This not being an expection." Nathan waved a hand towards the file. "It doesn't mean we should forget it never happened. We learn from these things, grow. Become better."

"You never killed anyone then," he said looking off.

Nathan took a deep breath, then reached out to lay a hand on Will's arm.

He jerked his arm back. "You managed to get that part though, right?"

"Yes." The simple word was soft, quiet. Nathan stuck his hands in his pockets for lack of a better place to put them.

"So if that's a part of who I am... then I'll always be that guy."

Nathan shook his head. "No, Will... Not like that. It's part of who you are, yes, but you don't stay the same. Are you the same person now, that you were then?" Nathan asked, looking at him.

"Probably," he shrugged, "I do know.. that if I ever had to, I'd do it again. Without a second thought."

"That doesn't mean you haven't changed. Just that you did what you thought was best."

"Nathan," he breathed, "I took an oath.. to not hurt any human soul. And I figured when I got here... that kind of thought wasn't exactly gonna fly."

"What, not wanting to hurt someone? Or what you did before this?"

"That.. I'd do it again."

"It doesn't matter. Look at as, Will. We all carry guns. Dana can't even leave the house with a vest on. Death is part of our job. Nobody here would ever put you down for it. Hell, Joe shot his own brother-in-law, for god sakes."

Will narrowed his eyes as he thought about it, "Horton. Yeah, I heard about him from the woman who recruited me. But that's what I mean." He was trying to say something, but couldn't bring it up. He just took in another breath and rubbed his temple.

"Explian it to me, Will. Please." Nathan watched him, and crossed his arms, so he wouldn't reach out and touch him.

"How many times have you interfered?" Will asked softly.

"Counting my last watch? Once, until I came here. That's why I was transferred in the first place."

Will looked up, "I can't stand watching it. But it's the way Joe runs things. My parents died because no one interferes where Mortals are involved... but if it's their assignment under fire. It's a different story." He shook his head. "They break the law, and we let them get away."

"But that's why we stay with Joe, Will. Because it's better like this. Look at how many times MacLeod has helped Joe, or saved an innocent life. They're not all bad."

"I don't like immortals, Nathan. I don't have to. But you... and Dana and Matt... And Joe... you're all so damn attached that I didn't want anyone to know what happened."

"Because me knowning would make me love you any less?" Nathan shook his head. "It doesn't matter, Will. Not to Matt or Joe or Dana, and it sure as hell doesn't matter to me!"

"Now you know my reasons.. hell you know everything. I don't have anything left. Was it enough?"

The look in Nathan's eyes was sad. "For what it's worth, Will, you shouldn't have had to ask me that. I'm sorry."

"I shouldn't, but I had to. I probably lied anyway. There's probably more."

"It doesn't matter." Nathan reached out a bit, "can I..?" he asked softly, the end of his sentence trailing off.

"Sure," Will mumbled, "What the hell..."

Nathan laid a hand on Will's arm, then pulled him closer. "I'm so sorry, Will. So very sorry."

He nearly fell against Nathan, "I couldn't tell my brother or my sister why they died... And why, even if I was there, I couldn't stop it again."

He wrapped his arms around him, laying his cheek against Will's hair. "There wasn't anything you could do. It's not your fault, Will."

"How can you say that? I could have tracked him. He attacked my parents once and I didn't even bother. And what.. I hate immortals now? And it's my job to make sure they always get away? It's not fair. I'm just as guilty as Seigfried's watcher who didn't bother to call me. Or call anyone." He just let out a small laugh, "And he was doing his job! To the letter!"

"Will, what would you have done if you had known? Really? An Immortal like that has no fear."

"...I don't know. I would've thought of something.."

Nathan shook his head, "you can't live like that, Will. You can't live in the 'what if'. It doesn't work and you end up tearing yourself apart over it." He ran his hands over Will's back, making small soothing circles.

"Even if I didn't..." He pulled away just enough to breathe a deep breath, "What can I do now? I know you said they won't think any worse... but considering the attacks lately and everything else.. They're not going to trust me. And I care what they think."

"First off, nobody else knows. It's not like I went and told everybody what I was stupid enough to do. And second, I think most of them know you enough to be able to trust you."

Will sighed, "I'm not that confident."

"Don't worry about it. Nobody would dare say anything." There was a slight tint of humor in Nathan's voice.

"I can't handle this anymore," Will mumbled.

"Hey," Nathan said, "it'll be okay. You'll get through this."

"I almost was.."

"I'm sorry," Nathan mumurred again, close to Will's ear. "This is all my fault."

"As much as mine.."

"No, I blame myself." He clutched Will close, "I'm really an idiot sometimes."

"Someone told me I still loved you," Will mumbled, "Maybe.."

"Well, I never stopped loving you." Nathan nosed the side of Will's face, wanting to kiss him, but also not wanting to get punched again.

He sighed heavily, running out of things to say, and just leaned against him.

Slowly, Nathan kissed Will's cheek, and then moved down towards his mouth. One hand came up to play with the hair at the nape of Will's neck.

His eyes closed slowly and he started to calm again, enough to kiss him.

Catching Will's mouth with his own, Nathan kissed him, softly at first, then more assured when Nathan was postive Will wasn't going to snap and try to beat him.

Will wasn't going to hit him. He was too tired and too emotionally drained. He hadn't kissed him back, but just held on.

After a moment, Nathan pulled away, and looked down at him. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

"No.." Will admitted.

"Do you want to talk about it? Do you want me to move?" Nathan's arms were still locked around Will.

"I don't have anything else to say about it..." And he hadn't pulled away, even if he didn't answer his second question.

"Will? Do you want me to let go?"

He shut his eyes tightly, "No."

Nathan sighed in relief, and pulled Will closer still. "I won't then," the words were whispered softly, "I won't."

He breathed heavily and leaned up against him. He didn't want to forgive Nathan just yet. He'd been so angry and dragged so many people down with him but... he didn't want to move. And he couldn't.

Nathan just held him, grateful for the press of Will's warm body against his. He had missed him, and he was so glad Will didn't seem to hate anymore for his stupidty.

"I can't finish this watch tonight.."

"I'll do it. Go home, go to sleep." He hugged him gently. "I'll see you later?"

Will just nodded, "Yeah.. yeah sure.."

Nathan let him go, and stepped back slightly.

"See ya.." he mumbled and turned to walk away, back to his car.

"Try to sleep, Will," Nathan called after him, because he knew Will, and knew he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight.

"Yeah sure.." He nodded lamely.

"G'night Will."

"Goodnight, Nathan."

4 am Vistors

Wed, 12 May 2004 12:32:27 GMT

I had a surprise visitor last night. I'm not complaining, of course, because I've got the feeling I'm going to be doing the same thing to her soon enough. My sweet Donna. I'll take care of her. Just like I took care of my three sisters, what's one more, right? At least I know I can handle this and won't screw it up like I did with... No... I won't think about it. Think about how to help Donna first.

Donna was awake early this morning. It's a good thing I made her stay the night, she was barely coherent. But she wanted to get back to Joe, which is a good thing. I gave her a key. So when she needs me she doesn't have to wake up my neighbors banging on the door.

Donna took the stairs two by two, knowing fully well that it was four in the morning and Nathan was probably asleep. But she knew Nathan wouldn't mind the visit, and she knew he'd been worried about her, especially after that phone call. She wanted to talk to him before her jet lag caught up with her. Knocking twice, she called softly, "Nathan? Nathan, it's Donna."

Shifting in his sleep, Nathan heard a soft sound incorporated it's self into his dream. When the sound got louder, he opened his eyes, looking around. He was quiet for a moment, waiting for the noise to come back. Nothing. He was about to close his eyes again, when he heard his names mumbled softly, and a light rasping on the door. He pulled himself out of bed and stumbled to door, fumbling with the locks before getting it open.

"Donna?" He blinked, looking at her.

"Nathan, I'm sorry, I know it's late but I just had to talk to you." The words came out as a rush. "Joe and I just got back from London."

"No, it's alright," he ushered her in, and locked the door behind her. "Are you okay? Is Joe okay? What happened?" The questions shot out, quickly.

"I'm okay, Joe's okay. They just... let him go." She sighed, closing her eyes. "Joe thinks they've got Amy brainwashed, she hates him now. And the only reason they let him go is because her mother was so fond of him... Remember those body parts Joe was getting, and we didn't know where they came from?"

Nathan nodded, reaching over to rub her back.

Donna rested her head on Nathan's shoulder. "They're from Amy's mother. She's... she's dead, Nathan. Amy let them kill her mother and didn't think anything of it."

"Oh god...” He went pulled her against his chest, then remembered his state of dress. "Hey, come with me, let me grab a shirt." He led her into his room, and sat her on the bed, while he opened a drawer to pull out something to wear.

"I'm sorry for waking you..." Donna's voice trailed off as she watched Nathan pull a shirt over his head. "I should have waited until morning to talk, or I should have at least called beforehand..."

He shook his head, and came over to sit next to her. "No, it's okay. Besides, I'm the one that told you to let me know as soon as you came home, remember?" He smiled lopsided at her, and hugged her gently.

Smiling softly, Donna leaned into the embrace. "I know, I just feel bad. I mean, I know I'm awake, but that's just because the jet lag and exhaustion hasn't come back to haunt me yet..." She looked up at him. "Thanks for listening to me the other night, I needed it."

"Hey, what are friends for? I'm not tired, Donna. I'm here as long as you need me." He looked down at her, "did you talk to Joe?"

"About us or about Amy?"

"Both."

She shook her head. "I can't talk about us now, he's got too much to worry about as it is. And Amy... we talked, a little. He doesn't know what to do--she said he betrayed her, for Christ's sake, and I know he thought he did what was right..."

He hugged her again. "There wasn't much else he could have done." He shifted on the bed, sitting back against the headboard, pulling her with him.

Donna rested against him, surprised at how comfortable she was with Nathan's touch. "That's what I told him. He can't beat himself up over the choices Amy made... he didn't have any control over that."

Nathan growled softly, under his breath. "He should be more worried about you, and how he's treating you."

"Amy's his daughter, Nathan. I won't begrudge him that." Donna's voice dropped to a whisper, as if she was afraid to speak.

"And you're his girlfriend. He loves you. I know he's preoccupied but... does he even know you're here?" He rubbed her back, soothing her like one would sooth a child.

She bit her bottom lip. "Not really... he knows I left, but he was half asleep and I know he'll stay that way... He's too exhausted, Nathan, it was better to let him sleep." She stared down at her hands, not meeting his gaze.

Nathan sighed. "I understand, really I do... You've got to talk to him, though. Before it eats you up inside."

"Trust me, I'm very good at letting things eat me up inside, and not so good at the talking." Donna closed her eyes, trying to hide the tears from Nathan.

"Hey," he said, softly, tilting her head up. He wiped away the tears with one hand. "It'll be okay, I promise it will. I keep saying it, and I'll help you, Donna. I promise."

A sob escaped her lips, and she fought the urge to curl up in his arms. "I want to believe that... but I can't.... because I've been to the land where it's not all right and I don't want to go back there again..."

"I won't let you, Donna. I won't." His arms tightened around her, pulling her close. "I love you remember? I'm your friend, and I'm here for you. I won't let you fall back. You didn't let me, and I won't let you." He pulled back a bit, to look at her face. He brushed away a strand of hair, "you must be exhausted..."

"A little... not as much as I could be." Donna smiled softly at Nathan before resting her head back on his chest and scooting closer to him. "Did I ever tell you why I feel like this, why I couldn't let you let yourself go like that?"

"No, you didn't." He went back to rubbing her back, giving her time to speak if she wanted too, but not pushing if she changed her mind.

Her fingers twisted in the cloth of his shirt. "I tried to get married once, you know," she whispered. "Jeremy and I were together for five years. I loved him. I knew I loved him. And it all seemed so perfect..."

She took a deep breath before continuing. "And then the wedding day comes, and there's 200 of our family and friends, and then they have to say that line, 'Speak now or forever hold your peace'..."

"What happened?" he asked softly, still holding her.

She tried not to sob. "He... he'd been cheating on me. With the maid of honor... my childhood best friend... and he just looked at me and said, 'I can't do this, Don'--he was the only one who ever called me Don, you know--and he turned to her and said, 'Let's get out of here' and they ran from the church." Her voice broke as she buried her face in Nathan's chest. "The best man told me later that Jeremy had decided not to tell me, that he wasn't going to pursue it but that's obviously not the case...

"They were together for a year, Nathan. A year, and I never knew! I was so naive, thinking he'd actually love me...."

"Ssh, ssh, it's okay. It's okay." Nathan's arms tightened, stroking her hair. He was so angry with Jeremy, a man he had never met. But if he did... Nathan somehow doubted Jeremy would survive the experience. "Joe would never do that to you, you know. He would never do that to anybody, let alone you. He does love you. He does."

"I won't be broken again, Nathan, I can't be. Seven years he took from me... I spent six months living with Darren, I moved out when he and Ophelia found out that she was pregnant with my nephew. And the next three years I can't even remember, I was so far gone... booze does magical things..." She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down a bit. "Joe's the first since Jeremy, I thought it was over and done with..."

"I don't think something like that is ever 'over and done with,’" Nathan said softly. "But I promise I won't let it happen again."

Donna looked up at him. "You'd do that? For me?" she whispered.

"Of course I would. Donna, you're my closest friend. I won't let anything happen to you. You're important to me."

"You're important to me, too. Seems like nobody really listens but you and Joe... and even Joe's got his own problems to worry about." Donna moved closer to whisper in his ear, "I love you, Nathan. And I don't throw those words around carelessly."

His arms tightened, "I love you too, Donna. Truly do." He smiled down at her, "we'll take care of each other, hmm?"

"Of course, I wouldn't have it any other way." She yawned, her tears coming to an end.

"You're tired," Nathan stated, looking at her. "Maybe you should stay here tonight? I've got an extra room."

"Joe might need me..." Even as she protested, she could feel her eyes growing heavier.

"It's not safe for you to drive home like this. You're exhausted. Stay here."

"If you insist..." Yawning again, Donna collapsed against Nathan. "Jet lag is a bitch..."

"I know, honey, I know. You want to sleep in the other room, or stay here?" Nathan rubbed her back softly.

She shook her head, "I don't want to be alone...."

"It's okay, you can stay right here. I'll take care of you tonight." He kissed her forehead, and settled her on the bed.

Donna snuggled up against Nathan, sighing contentedly. "I don't deserve you," she whispered sleepily.

Clicking off the light, Nathan pulled the blanket up around them. "The feelings mutual," he said in her ear. His arms were wrapped around her, and he held her close, waiting for Donna to sleep, before he even closed his eyes.

One friendly voice...

Tue, 11 May 2004 22:26:39 GMT

Donna called me today. God, it was good to hear her voice, even if she did sound upset. At least her and Joe are okay. I was worried. Hell, I'm still worried.

Donna closed the bathroom door behind her, leaving Joe to his sleep--it was the first time he'd slept since their arrival in London. Not only did she not want to wake him, but Donna knew this was the only place where she had removed all of the bugs. Sitting back against the door, Donna dialed Nathan's number, praying he'd answer.

Nathan was sitting at the kitchen table, staring down at a mug of coffee when the phone rang. He jumped surprised, then reached over to answer it. "Hello?"

"Nathan?" Donna's voice was a little shaky, a little nervous. "You got a minute?"

"Donna? Donna are you okay? I've been worried sick about you!" He sounded concerned and twisted in his chair, ready to listen. "Of course I have a minute. What time is it there?"

"Like 4am, I wasn't sure of the time difference..." She sighed, resting her head back against the door. "We're fine, Nathan. For now, at least. Joe finally fell asleep... he had to, he's so exhausted... I just needed to talk to someone and I knew you'd listen at least..."

"Of course. Are you sure you're okay? What's happened... You sound so stressed..." Nathan was worried, and it was evident in his voice.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Worried and stressed, but it's nothing I can't physically handle." Donna let the breath slowly slip from her lips. "You know what Joe and I have done since we've got here? Nothing. Nothing but sit in this damn hotel room and know that we're being watched."

"Fuck," he hissed. "That's messed up. At least you're okay though. You haven't heard anything?"

"Not a damn thing..." She massaged her temples, trying to relieve the stress. "I'm waiting for it, I know it's coming. What about you? I've been worried, I know this thing with Will's pretty bad..."

Nathan sighed. "Um, we were in the area together and managed to be civil. But, I don't think it's any better. I don't even know if will ever get getter. At least he didn't hit me again."

"Not getting hit is generally a good thing. Nathan... I'm sorry. I wish things would work out the way you want them too, but I can't blame Will for being angry either... You guys should try to talk this out, once it all settles down a bit."

"I know Donna. It's not like I didn't deserve the first punch. I don't blame him either." He shifted on the chair, twisting the phone cord with his fingers. "I dont think it will settle down. He's really angry."

"Things get better with time... at least, I like to think so." Donna sighed. "I also like to think that maybe this whole thing with Joe and the Watchers will blow over, or that I could see my ex again without killing him, but I know those won't happen. You just have to have faith, Nathan. Just give him time..."

"I suppose that's really all I can do." He let out a gust of breath. "Donna, are you sure you're all right?"

"I'm not sure of anything anymore."

"Oh Donna... It'll work out. I promise it will."

"Yeah, I hope so." She snorted. "I'm sorry. I'm just feeling a little... more cynical than usual. It's been a long couple of days, and I don't forsee it getting better without it getting worse first."

"But it can only get better from there, Donna."

"Yes, and just because we go back to Seacouver means Joe will stop pining for his daughter and his former lover." The words came out without her even thinking, and Donna clasped her hand over her mouth. "Nathan, I so did not mean to say that...."

"Oh Donna," Nathan said softly. "Joe loves you, you know that. He doesn't want anyone but you."

"Does he?" she whispered. "He's said it, but so did Jeremy... and Jeremy didn't love me. I'll never be like Amy's mother..."

"He doesn't want you to be Amy's mother. Joe doens't play like that. He loves you. He does. You have to remember that." Nathan's voice was strong, asured.

"I'm trying, Nathan." Her voice was barely a whisper. "I'm trying so hard... it's so hard to trust again. And I want to believe him so bad because I love him... and I know if I don't then it's just going to get worse..."

"Donna, you have to know he cares. Ask him. Joe's incapable of lying to you."

"Maybe. Once this all blows over and I don't have to worry so much about him..." Donna sighed. "Nathan... thanks. I don't even know what time it is there..."

"It's only 3 in the afternoon here. I've got plenty of time for you, Donna. As long as you need me."

"I appreciate it, Nathan. Really."

"Hey, if no else, I love you, girl."
A small tear streaked down her cheek. "I love you too, Nathan. I should probably go... try to get some sleep or something..."

"Alright, Donna. Try to sleep. Talk to Joe, if you have too. He won't leave you. I promise."

"Yeah, I hope so. I won't wake Joe unless I have to, though, he needs the sleep more than I do." Stretching, Donna stood up from her crouched position on the floor. "I'll give you a call when we get back to Seacouver, all right?"

"I'll be waiting, okay? I don't care when you get in."

"Okay, I promise I'll call. Talk to you later, Nathan."

"G'night Donna. I love you."

I'm not a perfect person...

Sun, 09 May 2004 00:44:50 GMT

This is driving me insane. I've never felt this terriable over something I've done before. Of course, I've never done something this stupid before. I'm ashamed to call my sister and tell her. Or maybe I'll tell one of the ones that lives out of state... Though, of course, they'll tell Melissa, and the last thing I need is to have a sister banging on my door just to knock my teeth in.

Nobody's heard from Donna or Joe for a few days. God, I hope they're alright.

And now, back to ~~stalking~~ watching Amanda.

I don't deserve her...

Wed, 05 May 2004 02:09:35 GMT

I went over to Donna's today. Helped her pack for London, talked for a bit. God, I'm so glad we're friends. Reminds me of Melissa. Give just as good advice, too. Maybe I'll take it, this time. I can't do anymore damage, can I?

Donna, don't worry. It'll be alright. It'll all work out in the end.

Nathan trudged up the stairs, legs a little sore from his morning jog. Of 10 miles. He carried a six-pack of beer in his hands, mostly for something to drink, than for anything else. Sighing, he knocked on Donna's door; glad he still had at least one friend left.

"Give me a minute!" Donna called as she heard the knock at the door. She rushed out of the bedroom and ran to the front door, looking out through the peephole to see Nathan staring back.

Throwing open the door, Donna greeted, "Hey, Nathan, I wasn't expecting you so soon."

"This a bad time?" Nathan asked, throwing her a small smile. "I brought beer...” He held out the 6 pack.

"You know the way to my heart." Donna held the door open for him as he walked inside. "It's never a bad time, Nathan. Just hope you don't mind my packing while we're talking, that's all."

"Nah... Just as long as you've got a spot for me to mope...” He followed her inside, placing the beer on the counter.

Donna wrapped Nathan in a comforting hug. "Bring two of those beers with us, we can talk in the bedroom. And I'll try to cheer you up the best I can."

"Thanks Donna. Not that I deserve it. I'm an idiot, you know. I don't think I've ever been this stupid."

"Why don't you start out by telling me exactly what happened." Donna opened her beer and took a sip before turning back to the open suitcase on the bed.

"You're not as stupid as you think."

"Ah, Donna... wait until you hear the whole story." He sat on the corner of the bed, fingering the cold bottle, but not drinking from it. Taking a deep breath, Nathan told her everything, starting from the last fight with Will, and how he knew Will wasn't telling him everything. How he went to Joe, looking for his file, and then how he read it. "I didn't mean for Will to find it," he finished. "It was such a stupid thing for me to do, Donna. I should have waited for Will to tell me. He accused me of not trusting him, and it's true! I should have waited. He as every right not to talk to me again. In fact, I don't ever really plan on it."

Nathan looked sad; eyes kept down, bright with unshed tears. "It's my fault. All of it."

Donna stopped abruptly, looking at Nathan, waiting for him to look up at her. "You went and got his file?" she asked, almost incredulously. "And Joe actually gave it to you? That was a rather moronic move on both of your parts--you're not alone in the blame for that one."

Sighing, she threw a pair of jeans into the open suitcase. "The move was stupid, yes, but I don't think your intentions were, not by far. Did you set out trying to hurt Will?"

"Of course not! I would never try to hurt him. But I did. I fucked up real bad." He shook his head, watching her pack. "Don't blame Joe... he warned me off."

"Still means Joe's in deep shit with Will, you know that." Donna took a swallow of her beer. "Nathan, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Do you love Will?"

Nathan looked up, blinking. "I... ah... I never really thought about it. Umm...” His face flushed, and he slowly nodded. "I think so. I know I care about him a great deal."

"And does he know that?" Donna looked over at Nathan, concerned.

"Umm... no? I never said anything. I don't really know if he feels... felt the same."

Leaving her beer on the nightstand, Donna sat down next to Nathan and took his hands in hers. "Maybe you should tell him that," she suggested softly. "Will probably thinks you did this to hurt him, when it's clear to me at least that you didn't. Just... let him know how you feel, why you did it. At least make sure he understands that much." She sighed. "I know it won't be easy."

He shook his head. "Will won't talk to me. He almost broke my jaw, you know... I can't talk to him. I can't even look at him."

"Then email him. The worst he can do is not answer." Donna chuckled, a little sadly. "I never thought I'd be the one to give advice on romance, you know. It's just a suggestion... and I'd hate to see you get your jaw actually broken."

Nathan sighed, looking doubtful. "Maybe, Donna, maybe. I just don't think he wants to fix it. I wouldn't blame him either."

"But you can't blame only yourself either," Donna chided gently. "Trust me, that's one thing I know."

Sighing, Nathan rested his head on Donna's shoulder. "Thanks, Donna. I still feel like shit over it, but it's good to have a friend."

Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, Donna patted his head soothingly. "I'm always here to listen, you know that. It's been too long since I've been the one listening... makes me feel like a big sister again."

He chuckled, sniffing a little. "That's funny, because you kinda remind me of my little sister..."

"Wow, what a reversal. You'd be just like Darren if he hadn't gotten married, and I hadn't tried to get married..." She smoothed her fingers over Nathan's hair. "If you want to cry, you can, I promise I won't tell anyone."

"No," he sniffled. "Can't cry. Not manly to cry. Who's Darren?" he mumbled into her shirt.

Donna just held him close. "He's my little brother," she explained. "We're three years apart, he used to come to me all the time for advice about girls. And then he did a semester abroad in London... and brought home his British girlfriend as a souvenir." She chuckled, a little sadly. "He suddenly became really protective after my ex-fiancé walked out on me during the wedding... he's more like a big brother now. I turn to him more than he turns to me."

"Family's good," he said, nodding. "I love my sisters. And it seems like I keep going to them now too..."

"That's what family's there for," she reminded him, "as well as friends."

Nathan sat up, running a hand over his face. Smiling slightly at her, he reached for his beer. "How did I end up spilling my guts out to you again? Aside from Will, you're really the only person I talk to regularly..."

Donna laughed, reaching for her beer. "Maybe I have a charming personality?" she joked lightly. Calming a bit, she added, "I think it's because we get along really well... that and it takes a lot for me to get really angry at someone... It's not an emotion I feel as strongly as others..." Donna looked away from Nathan, staring at the open suitcase.

"I think not getting angry is probably a good thing." He followed her gaze. "Want help packing? Where are you going anyway?"

"Sure, I could use the help." Sighing, she headed back towards the closet. "Joe and I are going to London in the morning."

He started folding some shirts. "Why London?"

She snorted, pulling a long skirt from the closet. "Joe's been summoned." She paused. "It's where they're keeping Amy."

His hands stilled for a moment. "How's Joe? You guys aren't going alone, are you?"

"Joe's Joe. He would have left for London weeks ago if Adam hadn't stopped him." Donna looked back at Nathan, her eyes wide with emotion. "He didn't want me to go with him, but I can't let him go by himself..."

"He wanted to go alone? And you guys aren't taking an Immortal with you?" Nathan looked over at her, worried.

She threw her hands up in protest. "I know, stupid. I'd feel better with someone else along..." Her voice trailed off as she threw the skirt into the suitcase, a little harder than she had originally intended. "I just don't know what to make of it all," Donna admitted, collapsing back on the bed.

"My turn," he said softly, putting an arm around her. "What's Joe planning on doing? You know, I'm sure Pierson or MacLeod would go with you. Hell, I'll come, if it'll help."

"It's okay, Nathan. I'm not putting anymore people in danger than I have to." Her entire body started to tremble as she wrapped her arms around Nathan's waist. "They want to discuss terms for Amy's release... but god, they wanted him dead before... I'm scared, Nathan. I'm so scared that I can't protect him and I'm going to lose him..."

"Shh," he said, rubbing her back. "It'll be okay... You'll take care of him, nothing will happen."

"But I can't guarantee that..." Donna was almost on the verge of tears now, burying her face into Nathan's shirt. "I can't lose Joe, not when I've just found him. Not when I need him as much as he needs me..."

Nathan pressed his cheek to Donna's hair. "It'll be okay, Donna. It will. You won't lose him. You'll keep him safe, you will." He hugged her close.

Hugging him back, Donna whispered, "You really are like Darren..." Shaking her head, she looked up at him. "Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Only speaking the truth." He smiled down at her, and kissed her forehead. "It'll be okay, you'll see."

Smiling back, Donna kissed his cheek. "I hope so, for both of us." She giggled. "A favor for a favor, and I even got a kiss out of the deal."

"Ssh," he mocked whispered, "don't tell Joe!"

"No, of course not! We wouldn't want him to get jealous of the gay guy again, now would we?" Donna giggled again, clasping a hand over her mouth.

"Hey! I could be threatening! Really!" Nathan grinned at her; glad to see she was smiling.

"Right. And here I was, thinking you couldn't hurt a fly." Donna grinned as she sipped her beer, glad that Nathan's mind wasn't solely focused on Will.

"Oh no... I'm not harmless at all. I'm terribly threatening. I'm big and manly. Really."

"Maybe it's just the girls you won't harm." Smirking, Donna stood back up to gather more clothing. "I'll tell Joe he's got some competition to watch out for."

Nathan snorted. "Oh yeah. Heavy competition." He went back to folding, shaking his head. "What a pair, we are..."

"Just like brother and sister." Donna took the folded clothes and laid them in the suitcase. "One of the best kind of relationships there is."

Smiling softly, he nodded. "I'd say so."